This week has been a roller coaster of emotion.
If there has been a silver lining to the storm clouds the past few months, it has been that we were able to refresh ourselves away from the constant reminders of her death. While we love our home, it is filled to the brim with her. We remember what she did here and what she said there and how she was silly under there. And where she died. While the flashbacks still affected each of us while we were gone, the severity and intensity wore off a bit and we can or I should say I can feel like life is maybe just a tad bit more normal. New normal.
We arrived home from Mama’s on Tuesday which in our reality is the day she left officially but of course with the calendar life goes on…Lowell and I spoke of how Mondays and Tuesdays are still THE day and will always be. Randomly we cried and laughed as we drove along in Bessie remembering her the best we can. Memory is changing. If I close my eyes, I can still feel her soft skin but her voice is fading.
Wednesday, July 15 was cloudy and dreary most all day with intermittent sprinkles reminding me of all the tears that have fallen around our parts this year. To me, I decided to let the day come as it may and to not hide away to shed my tears. We talked of her randomly through the day but it is seeming the intense emotion is beginning to dull for the children. For me, I can cry quickly but it is not so fresh that I cry all the time and the crying is done and over more quickly.
We talked of how Abby has been living with Jesus for 1 year now. At one point, one of the children asked how old Abby is now. I never know what to say for sure as the whole time thing in Heaven is so different. We wondered about if she will always be 3 or if she is getting ready to be 5.
Lex has been praying in her prayers at night that God would please give Abby a good day. I smile and let her express her heart and am glad that Abby’s reality is always good unlike our life here.
The perspective of children is always refreshing….
Our sweet friends Sara and Hannah organized a memorial for us at Abby’s grave the evening of the anniversary day. My amazing friend Shawna (She is just launching a fab photography studio shawna marie imaging that you can visit currently on facebook…head over and like her page!) was there snapping away capturing the poignant moments as 75+ of our family and friends gathered with us to remember.
Sara had gotten a gazillion balloons in shades of pink and red with special heart shaped ones for us 5. She took a pic of Abby and let the children and whoever else wanted to write a message on the backs and tied them to the balloon ribbons. Pastor Perry prayed a prayer and we sang Jesus Loves me just like we did at the funeral and then we stood and watched as they floated away.
Afterwards we all gathered in the basement and ate cookies and just plain sat and talked. It was peaceful, relaxing and fun.
Shawna put together a slide show which showcases perfectly the emotion of the evening.
We are indeed blessed to have the amazing circle of people we do to walk this road with us. Thank you for continuing to walk this path with us….All of you!