I have always had my quirks, those things that make me me. I cherish the unique, the stuff that sets me apart. Sometimes it’s been simply clothing. I love my multi colored shoes from 10th grade and my black and white dress that had both stripes and polka dots on it. I derived a sense of freedom and immense happy each time I chose them from my closet. Other times it has been embracing an idea no one else gets or cheering for the underdog…
So when different doesn’t pan out to be the most coveted spot in the planet, where does the quirky, proud to be odd turn?
Life is full of seasons. As a woman, I am not blind to the fact that many factors from our female properties make some of those seasons a bit crazy.
My writing and just being me in general has always been real. I really have nothing to hide. But sometimes I really see that real setting me apart to the point of crazy being the sign over the door and then I wish I could be not quite so open. As I age that real me has seen some real lonely. Some days, like the one I just lived thru, remind me of being the 3rd grade odd ball. I wonder if I have horns growing out of my snout and if I am crazy for feeling like everyone on the planet has a problem with me. Wow. Did I really just say that out loud? ***Here is where I could easily hit delete or close and walk away with out exposing any more of my vulnerable soul. But due to some strategic conversations recently I will plod on along…
Life sometimes sucks. Yup I said that out loud too.
For some close to me, harsh realities and unexpected not life planned out have turned normal day to day into worry central. We are busy. And tired. We run and race to get to all we need to do. Rest evades us. The urge to please exhausts us. We are islands to ourselves trudging through the crowds as alone as a lone ranger on a dessert path.
Yet, there is a common thread that connects us all, a God designed plan of being here to do life together. I don’t have some great profound method or plan for carrying out that plan but I have sure pondered more deeply what other women and folks in general are saying when I really stop to listen to their hearts.
My children for example, are grappling with the concepts of growing up and many times recently as they have done new things they come around with the same old nagging question that has plagued us all since the beginning of time…”what if they don’t like me?” or “they don’t like me..”
I wonder how I can teach them to be confident in their God given quirks when I at 42 years of age am most insecure of all. I think they are amazing perfectly wonderful gifts from God (and I see some of my quirks coming thru). Often my oldest will say “but MOOOOMMMM, you think that because you’re my mom…” “Yup kido I am indeed your mama but God created you to be you…accept it. Love it. Embrace it.”
It’s those conversations when my heart is bursting with love for my children that I am reminded how my Daddy God sees me. I am sure his heart breaks when I believe the lies hammering in my ears…”you are unloved…unimportant…uncared for…ugly…worthless…annoying….
So back to that God designed plan, I was recently reminded of how important encouragement can be among us in this thing called life. My inbox stays fairly clean but the kinds of things that stay are those such as a love note from my man and a short paragraph of complete unexpected encouragement stating I was a good mother that is dated Feb 15, 2014 and is from a friend I haven’t seen in probably 20 years.
It didn’t take this friend much effort, I assume, to type a few words that have had such a profound impact on my soul. I know I can offer that same gift to others and that is something I really want to work on doing more of. But so often I am to self absorbed and busy being me to care enough to show it.
Doing the together thing isn’t always that simple and sometimes requires more of us. We may have to get sticky, dirty and more exhausted. We may have to jump out of our comfort zone. We may have to get really super uncomfortable.
Sometimes I think the levels of pain in our lives and in those around us walking around breathing (breathing is a connecting factor…we are alive and have purpose despite) has reached epic proportions. Life is hard enough with out all the extra trash we throw and accept into our deepest being when it’s pitched our way. So I will wrap these rambles up with a question or two (and I’d really love active discussion…) In what ways are you being real and different and what is your contribution the bettering the together?