A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25 NIV
My body always heaves a sigh of relief after September 14.
I never cease to be amazed at how the body keeps track of the times and seasons, even when my mind doesn’t always follow suit or comprehend what is happening. From Abby’s going to heaven date of July 15 through her birthday, September 14, I find myself often feeling worn down and tired with out reason. Until I remember the season. This year, despite making time in my schedule to accommodate those moments, that feeling of grief and of feeling unwell hit me with a vengeance. It’s odd. After all we are at year 11.
As time continues, I have noted a shift in my spirit. While I have always shared our grief freely, I have not been at the spot of “embracing” that place as a God gifted space.
Then I turned 50 and followed that big nudge again to pursue publishing my book about Abby’s leaving. I am not a stranger to writing queries and submitting book proposals. Usually, as is to be expected for new, unheard of authors, the answers are no. This time, I am excited to report, has given me a beautiful gift – a YES! and a brand new path of publishing to explore. (Coming fall 2026!!!) While I am ecstatic about the process, I have honestly struggled with getting all the emotions out that accompany the project and feeling them all over again.
Even in my blogging here, I have often found that my most written about topics seem to circle back to grief. To my very core, I don’t want it to be that way. I don’t want to be known as that grieving mama. I must confess, I have been kind of like Jonah and done my very best to “run away” and avoid the topics and their known “repercussions” at all costs.
Until I signed my book contract.
It was almost like a lightbulb flashed on in my mind and I knew I had to be willing to share those parts of our story that I would rather not be identified with. One day as I bustled about, I had a discussion with God about my hesitancy and how I’d like to pick a different story. While I did not hear an audible voice I felt a very distinct prompting with the words “but Dorothy…you are uniquely qualified”. From that moment something changed in me and in that seemingly small moment, simple submission to God’s call for my writing has already brought so many beautiful, shivers up and down the backbone, conversations and moments.
So I will continue to write and share as HE leads and prompts.
I will continue to share about beautiful glimpses of Him in the midst of messy, ongoing grief.
Recently, grief snuck up on me in the most unsuspecting way. I was sitting watching Lexi play volleyball. Her teammates are a mix of girls ranging in age and includes several of Abby’s friends. I don’t know if their names were mentioned or what triggered the immense wave that hit me out of nowhere, but suddenly I was kneeling by her bed listening to her say her bedtime prayers. She always prayed emphatically for each of her little friends by name. God be with Leah…God be with Maggie…God be with Scarlett. I don’t often hear her little voice in my mind anymore, and sometimes worry I will forget. But there she was clearly. Praying. It was bittersweet and evoked some super strong emotion that almost made me get up and leave. Through God’s strength I stayed and made it through the moments.
Life does go on, bringing with it beauty and pain, joy and sorrow. While I know my path hasn’t always been my favorite place to be, I want to be more intentional about embracing God’s space for me where he has met me and created me for such a time as this, completely unique and qualified.
He is good.