This past year I enrolled in a fabulous writing course which has opened up a whole new world for me. As I have hungrily devoured each lesson, repetitive encouragement has been to “find my voice”. As I have started to find bits and pieces of that answer, fear has intimidated my inner soul.
What if people don’t like “my” voice?
What if my story is not unique enough to make a difference?
What if I am not able to be true to the calling God has etched in my heart?
The past 2.5 years have seemed to play out on repeat. As I peruse the stuff I’ve penned in that time much of it has similar tones of questioning, sickness and pain. But in the masses of words, I also see the promises of a better tomorrow and of God’s faithfulness.
We are in a season.
Since grief came, I sometimes wonder if the seasons of hard stuff will ever cycle around and bring happier times again? According to the Bible it’s got to. Ecclesiastics says “to everything there is a time and a season…”
The past weeks have had me wondering if the season of sickness for me will ever end. For the 3rd year in a row, my illness is preventing our Christmas trip to see my family in the sunny south.
Day after day I continue to feel poorly, fight fevers and infection and miss out on things I really want to be apart of. It’s made me quite grumpy really. Ask my family.
As I think about finding my voice and ultimately honoring God with my life, I keep coming face to face with the compelling reality of speaking about God and his love for me, even when the season is long and hard and boring. After all it’s not my words that need saying, but His. And His words will not go out void.
So as I pen out my thoughts, I must align them with His. Instead of wallowing in self pity, I must instead reflect on His blessings. This thought process changes my perceived needs.
While I could write a list a mile long of all the things I think I want and even need, I will chose simple instead.
Help me to cherish the moments.
Help me to be truly thankful.
Help me to be smack dab in the center of your perfect plan for me.