2019 has been a year of changes in our household.
Many have been major and more life affecting then we could have ever imagined.
I must confess that I care too much about what others think about our life, so my anxiety has heightened in the process.
I’m learning change isn’t always bad. Sometimes it is the healthiest of choices.
A plant can not become the beautiful green we see without change.
Growth isn’t easy and is definitely not pain free.
Leaving our church home of many decades topped the list of difficult change. Lowell has referred to the process as more difficult than death. It has been a type of death, of life plans and dreams. Issues still unresolved bring harsh reminders, but God gifted us with His beautiful peace and strong awareness that our family is exactly where He wants us.
My health has continued to be a challenge. I ended up with a hysterectomy, a partial thyroidectomy, continuing sinus infections, and will end the year with dentures (yes…at the age of 44) all of which are major changes. What really matters is that I am much better off without the diseased parts. The dentures are the most challenging, but I have been told the long term teeth issues are most likely at least part of the reason for the ongoing headaches and sinus infections. Even though, I haven’t felt the greatest and am back on meds that mess with my gut majorly, God continues to be faithful.
Most recently we made a family decision that will change our lives dramatically. The girls decided they want to go to “real” school and mom and dad decided to oblige. Having homeschooled our whole family life and anticipating doing so to the end, threw me for a loop. With the learning struggles our children have all had, my emotions have vacillated between anxiety at the job I have done as a teacher and not having them where I “want” them and joy at seeing their excitement. While I am sure there will be stresses yet unseen and hurdles they’ll have, I am blessed they have a good place where they already have friends, for them to start this different part of their journey even though it means mom has to learn a whole bunch of stuff she knows nothing about like bus schedules and lunch accounts. What really matters is that my girls have had some really cool relationships that have readied them for this season. And they have God and his care and love guiding them.
Another funeral for a younger (50ish) man from our church has reminded me again of how short life is. All of us face difficulties and stresses. While I may sound like a broken record, each day is a gift. Living it to the fullest and doing so for the God who created it and us is what really matters most.