Resolutions

I have to admit I fluctuate back and forth between secretly hating all the new year’s resolutions clogging up my news feed and a sudden burst of energy and new determination for some of the things I would like to see differently in my life.  Like the typical ones, yes please! I would love to lose weight and yes! I would like to read thru the Bible this year and yes! I would like to think I can yell less at my children and yes! I would love to be debt free…the list goes on. But when I sit and ponder my mind flies a hundred different directions and I wonder what is really important?  What can I aim for this year to really make a difference in my life and in the lives of those I love?

2013 was a beautiful but tough year.  Our little family faced disappointments, with the most “fresh” one being the big deal of missing Christmas at Nana’s due to Lexi’s being in the hospital.  Another biggie was hubby and I missing out on a whole week’s worth of celebration in honor of our anniversary because Kali was in the hospital. (yup, this natural minded, “crunchy” mama has had way to much hospital this year!) Probably the most stressful part of the year started when I got a call from my sister saying my dear mom was having a stroke. I still tear up thinking of all the emotions gripping at my heart as I beheld my strong vibrant mother helpless as a small child. Tough and not necessarily fun stuff….

The “prettier” side of the year was wrapped up in small presents and handed to us gradually just as we needed them…  Kali has become more confident in her reading and I am now delighting in catching her sitting reading to her siblings.  Both of our girls who had hospital stays and my mama are thriving and becoming healthy again. Hunter finally got his 2 front teeth out (after the new ones made their full show right behind). We got some precious time with Nana & Pawpaw in the fall when we met them in St Louis for a short vacation.  Abby is finally sleeping in her big girl bed and not wondering aimlessly thru the house at all hours of the night.  All of these may seem pointless and small,  not really anything to make a big deal about, but they are gifts none the less….

I love finding the good which is present indeed in any circumstance.  When Kali was in the hospital, she beautifully portrayed the simple love of Jesus to “mean man doctor” (as I referred to him) and to the nurses some of who had never heard the sweet simple song, “Jesus Loves Me”.   When mama had her stroke, my siblings and I grew closer then we have ever been .  When Lexi’s hospital stay resulted in us missing our vacation we actually benefited in catching up on some serious sleep deprivation and we had some stay at home as a family time even if it was forced.

Recently Hunter had some bad dreams that made it hard for him to rest.  Ironically his Bible verse that we have been working on is from Psalms where it says simply, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in THEE”.  I urged him to lay quietly with his flashlight in hand and simply quote that verse when ever he felt afraid.  It calmed his restlessness almost instantly as he lay there and quoted that verse.  The first night I heard him say it over and over and then just like that he was asleep and has been doing fine since.

Perhaps the most important resolutions include attempting to be more childlike in my faith and looking more intentionally for what God is doing even when life isn’t exactly how I want. After all no matter what comes our way,  Zephaniah 3:17 says “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Who can’t burst forth with joy at promises like that?!

Incomparable

Our Sunday School lesson today really got to my heart.  When I began my study process for it,  (I teach one of the ladies’ classes which on a side note are a super awesome group!) I was honestly kind of dreading it as the current sessions are from Isaiah which happens to be one of the books of the Bible not all that high on my favorites list. But when I began the reading part which came from chapter 40 I was blown away by how much of it was written exactly for me, right now, in this week in 2013, in the cold mid western winter which happens to be my least favorite season. (grumpy Grinch!)
I had one of those weeks.  Not only on top of my already crazy hectic schedule of homeschooling and my reflexology clients, did I make many trips back and forth to the hospital with my sweet mom in love (a new term I have fallen very much in like with – I am Alta Miller’s daughter in love) but various ones of my children decided it was the perfect week to get their lungs full of that nasty cough which is ugliest whenever one tries to lay down to sleep something one really needs when dealing with stress.  After 1 full night and most of another spent in the ER and at the hospital trying to wrap my brain around all the details of Alta’s issues I was so looking forward to/planning on catching up on rest which is usually a realistic goal since my baby is now 3.  That “plan” did not work out so well and my whole first night “home” was spent trying to keep my 4 year old’s cough from completely gagging her which in essence took about 3/4 of the night so no catching up there.  At one point in the pitch black as our child continued to sound as if she was coughing up her lung,   I rested my bone weary head on my hands and informed  my hubby that I don’t think God is hearing my prayers. I began to focus on and question everything that wasn’t in perfect order in my life and man let me tell you I can come up with quite the grumpy list….”Why did God make me wait so long to have these beautiful babies?– practically EVERYONE knows that the case load is to heavy with the combination of young ones and elderly parents”   “Why would God take some one like the 15 year old that was killed in our area recently and leave the my ailing MIL whose quality of life has dramatically been altered and who is longing to go on to her Elmer?”  “and why of all things couldn’t God keep my children healthy in a time when I really need them to be.  I mean we try and take care of our health, we don’t eat gobs of junk food AND we take vitamins.”   You get my drift….
Here is where Isaiah 40 comes in.   Verse 6 in the NLT says  People are like grass that dies away.  Their beauty fades as quickly as the beauty of the flowers in the field.  Then come verses 7 & 8 which say
The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord. And so it is with people.  The grass withers and the flowers fade but the word of our God stands forever.
So in other words, I am like a fading flower.  My self centered focus is but a fleeting breath in the broader spectrum of God’s big picture.  And yet HE is forever! His word stands when all around us is falling apart.
I read on and came to my very favorite verses in the whole chapter, verse 11 – He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart.  He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. (Yup that’s me!)
The chapter goes on the very next verse to emphasize the incomparable qualities of God.  Who else has held the oceans in his hand?  Who has measured the heavens with his fingers?….all the nations of the world are nothing in comparison to him. They are but a drop in the bucket, dust on the scales….in his eyes they are less then nothing–mere emptiness and froth.  To whom then, can we compare God?…He is the one who spreads out the heavens like a curtain and makes his tent from them….
Then comes the end verses we all know well.  Verse 29 – He gives power to those who are tired and worn out (that would be me this week) He offers strength to the weak.  Even the youths (I am pushing 40 here!) will become exhausted and young men will give up.  But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like Eagles (Have you seen an eagle lately?  Their wingspan is huge!) They will run and not grow weary (even when sleep deprivation takes over and becomes all consuming…JUST.give.ME.my.bed.leave.me.alone.AND.no.one.gets.HURT) They will walk and not faint…
Not only has this chapter given me a fresh perspective right when I needed it most it has brought just another reminder of how blessed I really am in being the daughter of the creator of the universe who is so much bigger and able then I can comprehend!  As for the hearing my prayers part, verse 27 says this – How can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?  How can you say God refuses to hear your case? …the Lord is the everlasting God, (yup HE is still God even when at the end of my already crazy hectic week my 4 year old shows up with pneumonia)  the Creator of the earth….He never grows faint or weary (even when one of his specks of dust is constantly complaining about how awful her beautiful pretty much perfect life is!)
So as I set off on a fresh new week my prayer is that my pouty list stays short (or non existent) and that I fully lean on my incomparable, amazing, all powerful Father who just happens to be creator of the universe!

On another more chipper note, we attempted to take family pictures this week.  The results were not all that fabulous but hey we preserved the memories of having the kidos in their pretty Christmas duds.

                             

My man & I 
our 4 precious gifts 
(I still have to pinch myself some days when it dawns on me that my long years of infertility really are over!)
not frame worthy perhaps but you “get the picture”  ðŸ˜‰

Blogging was a new venture for me this year and I am enjoying it much tho I am sporadic at it. Thanks to you my readers for reading my stuff as I attempt to share my heart.  I love writing. It is therapy and I always have said I would write if not a soul read it.  However if I can share something that is encouraging or uplifting to you on your journey that, in the words of my favorite Duck Dynasty, makes me Happy, Happy, Happy!  Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Housework vs. Hospitality

I am people person.  Yes sometimes I need peace and total quiet but those who really know me best know I thrive on relationship and being around/with people.  I love having guests and enjoy being spontaneous.  However my life has changed quite drastically over the past 8 years.  I have never been that spotless housekeeper who washes her walls, wood work and windows religiously every spring and fall but during our 8 years of married life and keeping my own house prior to babies the way I kept house was dramatically different from the home we live in now. Stuff stayed put and mostly clean and in order.  While I am thankful in deep ways for the 4 beautiful ones who leave wet dirty underware in the clean towel cupboard and color to big a spot of their favorite color front and center on the living room wall (sorry bout that Phil & Bert) or leave cracker crumbs under the couch,  it HAS drastically changed the way we invite guests into our humble abode.  One time recently I was brave enough to invite last minute guests for Sunday lunch.  While part of the group was gracious about the sticky marks on the chairs, one dear soul, with disdain written across her face, came and got my dish cloth to clean the salt and pepper shakers.  I know she was probably trying to help but it was so very humiliating not to mention embarrassing.  Needless to say, I was slightly paranoid about the rest of the meal and extra nervous about how the kids behaved.  We survived and often as I think back to the event I pondered what God might be trying to teach me and how He actually looks at this whole cleanliness thing.  As I looked thru the Bible for the cleanliness is next to Godliness verse, which by the way isn’t there, I came across the story of Martha and her sister Mary.  Jesus comes to visit and Mary leaves the fuss and bustle and goes to sit at his feet (Hello–RELATIONSHIP!) while dear precious Martha keeps hurrying around with housekeeping details.  Finally she goes to bug Jesus about that Mary not helping her. Jesus turns to her and says “Mary as chosen the good portion”…
 As I browsed further, the headings of cleanliness took me mostly to verses about being clean and pure spiritually.  How freeing!  Yes I believe God is a God of order and He asks us to be wise stewards of what He shares with us.  Hospitality is however commanded various times in scripture such as 1 Peter 4:9 where it says, “Show hospitality one to another with out grumbling”  How simple is that?  I freely admit that I am the worst at grumbling about getting ready for guests. I grumble at my children in the process and get down right irritable at hubby if his ambition doesn’t match my own and honestly sometimes that is why spontaneous guests is sometimes actually better.  How can I as a busy mother chose the “good portion” over the ever enslaving housework which by the way will always be here?  I really wonder sometimes if our busyness in this era of gadgets that are supposed to simplify our lives is one of the reasons we see so much loneliness and depression in the world around us and even in the church?  How about we change our thought process around about what’s important and invite each other over even if we just serve popcorn and juice and step on cookie crumbs that have been left in strategic piles under the table?  (Or not serve any food as most of us are trying to lose weight anyhow)  God was truly genius in creating communities of people which He put together to form meaningful and challenging relationships and I am sure He is mortified that we are to consumed with cleanliness to take advantage of this beautiful gift. 





So come on over, I’ll roll out the paper plates (oops just used the last of those for lunch) napkins and my hazy cups (which are not all sparkly due to a dishwasher detergent error) and we’ll look around at our abundant blessings while we munch apples from my large stash and maybe even a leftover pumpkin bar or two.

**DISCLAIMER:  just in case you’re wondering, my spontaneous-do-it-quickly nature is the reason there are white lines on this page…I.can.not.make.them.go.away but I am hitting publish anyway 😉

Waiting

Waiting (perhaps I should say patience) is not my greatest attribute. My habit is to swoop in, assess, and fix the “problem” in the fastest, easiest way possible.  God doesn’t always agree with my plan and that sends me into a tail spin where I usually end up eating lots of chocolate, grumping at my family, shopping or writing. Which one is the safest I haven’t quite figured out tho I am sure figuring out the grumpy one usually only worsens my already dour mood and sure doesn’t serve my family well. 

This week has been one of those seasons of waiting.  I had cleared my calendar and was happily anticipating all the fun stuff I was going to accomplish when bam! I got picked for waiting….I have to admit my first impulse was to rush out and try to fill my calendar to so I didn’t have to “feel”  the waiting to the deepest extent. Though I did add a few activities I have also spent some time pondering which is one of the reasons I believe God calls us into the game of waiting. In the business of life pondering doesn’t always take place but for me, pondering usually brings me to prayer and who can argue with the power of prayer?! 
So I am praying and waiting some more and though it isn’t an activity I would pick I know I am probably growing even if I wish God could pick other less exhausting ways to accomplish making me what HE wants me to be.
2 things keep bringing me comfort;  a verse my mama has all over her house on her eagle motif ~ “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength”…and one of my all time favorite songs from the movie Fireproof.
  
Waiting and pondering isn’t all bad.  I have found a few extra moments to enjoy life and truly see the beauty God has gifted us with. He is so good to pour out sweet amazing peace on his grumpy child even in seasons of waiting.  

Of Cars and Colors

This past Sunday Pastor Leon preached an awesome message on prayer that has kept my mind rolling this week.  Not only the conditions for true prayer ~ a clean and pure heart ~ but simply realizing that God does answer some of the prayers that seem silly or  fulfills the desires of our heart that we may not have even specifically prayed about. It is so important to store those special answers away in a “faith chest” in our heart of hearts to remind us of God and His faithfulness when times of struggle and not understanding Him face us.
I was reminded of the way God specifically answers prayers in many ways already this week and thought some of them were to good not to share.
Lowell has been needing another truck as his is getting pretty rusty and because of its age is requiring more and more work.  He has been browsing trucks on Ebay for probably close to a year and finally found one that is pretty much exactly what he wanted.  Not only is it 4 door, it has big mirrors perfect for pulling the camper, and it has a bigger motor (mundane details to me right?!) But the clincher to me was the color.  Lowell has always liked white and guess what color the “new” truck is?! WHITE!  Now I am not saying he sat there and specifically told God about each of these details but he did mention them frequently to me so (I like to think) God having over heard them worked it all out and even threw in a great price as part of the deal.

I don’t have a good picture of the truck yet but I was having fun with the camera and its night settings 😉

With the neat answers to prayer I have been conscious of this week I had to think back to one of my first distinct memories where I grasped the fact that God simply likes to bless us with the desires of our hearts.  I was 18 and in the market for my first car.  I happened to be in love with the color burgandy and remember specifically kneeling by my bed and earnestly asking God to help me find the right car. At the end of the prayer I remember almost feeling embarrassed as I added this line “and God, if you wouldn’t mind, could you possibly have the car be burgandy?”  I lay down and went to sleep with a sense of excitement and just knew God was going to take care of it all.  I don’t remember how long it took but one day we found THE car in the local paper and I excitedly made the call.  Not only was it perfect, it was from someone I knew in a round about way who happened to be local youth pastors and who understood my great excitement when at the end of the conversation I hesitantly asked what color it was.  The man paused and said “well it’s kind of reddish, burgandy I would call it”  That sealed the deal and the car was mine indeed.
My faithful first and very burgandy car!


In the old testament after the children of Israel won a war with the dreaded Philistines Samuel took a giant rock and set it out for all to see and called it the Rock Ebenezer meaning the rock of help, because they had prayed earnestly to God for his help and He had indeed rescued them in a very difficult time.
It is my hope that my children will grow to come to faith in this amazing God and that they will always know and acknowledge how capable He is of answering the prayers of our hearts, even the ones that are beyond the necessary and that our family’s Rock Ebenezers will remain strong reminders for future generations of Millers.
God is so good to honor the small details of our lives! I don’t always understand his way of answering or his timing and why simple things like the colors of a car are honored while those around us struggle with big mountains like chemo and cancer and 2nd open heart surgeries but I know He is good and has the best interest of all of us close to HIS heart. 

Super Delicious (& Healthy) Honey Applesauce Bars

I came across an absolutely amazing-to-good-to-keep-to-myself recipe today.  I was on a search for a way to utilize my freshly ground whole wheat and also use honey as I am completely out of sugar right now.
Years ago my mom gave me the cookbook, Cooking with Wisdom, which I have to admit I rarely use as it is almost to “healthy” oriented for my personal tastes (I love chocolate–carob doesn’t cut it!)

However the recipe for Applesauce cookies stuck out to me as one that might be ok, did some revisions, added frosting and WOWZA!  It was a huge hit with the kidos and blew my diet for the day too!

Here is the recipe:

  • 1c honey
  • 1/2 c butter
  • Blend well then add:
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 c unsweetened applesauce
  • Sift together and add:
  • 2 1/2 c freshly ground whole wheat (I used soft white wheat berries that are excellent for pastries)
  • 1/2 t salt
  • 1 t bkg soda
  • 1/2 t bkg pwd
  • 1 t cinnamon
  • 1 t vanilla
  • Mix well and pour into jelly roll pan (12 x 15) and bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out clean.
  • cool and frost with:
  • 1 – 8 oz cream cheese ( I used Nancy’s organics with probiotics)
  • 1/2 c butter
  • 2-3 c pwd sugar (dependent on how thick you like your frosting)
Yum Yum and more Yum! 
Grab a glass of milk (which ever you prefer-some of mine had almond and some had regular ole cow’s milk) & ENJOY!

A Tribute to my Siblings

When my parents first married, the doctor told my mother she would not be able to get pregnant.  Much to their delight, the doctor was wrong and I was born 1 month after their first anniversary.
Two years later my sister Janice was born and then came our only brother, Steven and finally my baby sister Rhoda who made her appearance when I was just a month shy of my 12th birthday.
Yup, I’ll probably get in big trouble for this one 😉
Janice and I were inseparable doing pretty much everything together.  We shared a room and pretty much everything else till I went off to Rosedale Bible College after I graduated from High school.
Most all of my memories have some connection to something I did with her from music we snuck around and listened to, to being on the basketball team, to favorite foods we shared (she can make a mean Mississippi Mud cake).  We sang together, me singing alto or lead and playing my guitar and her harmonizing with her beautiful high tenor. Of course we had our fights like all siblings do, especially since we were close in age.  (One not so lucky Raggedy Andy lost his leg in one of those spats).
She probably wasn’t more then 7 when I remember her declaring she was going to grow up and live in the city which she indeed did.  She is a successful woman in the corporate world.  I couldn’t be prouder of who she has become.  She is the official family peacemaker and keeps us all grounded with her wit and wisdom.
I wasn’t to sure about Steven when he joined our family soon after my 5th birthday.  Up until that point, Janice and I each had 1 parent “to ourselves” and I was firmly planted in my role of daddy’s girl. 
 Soon tho legos and lincoln logs and all things boy became a pleasant part of daily life and I grew quite fond of that little brother. 
who can resist such a cutie?
I wasn’t to happy about his love of squirrel hunting and the fact that we had to at least taste the gravy mom prepared with his prize catch however it was obviously part of preparation for being a hunter’s wife.  
He got us in trouble too with his precious “Sheila pickles”, mom’s homemade dills which Janice and I despised and didn’t have to eat till we decided to pepper the jar with specks of tolit paper in hopes of making them un-edible.  He tattled and that night Janice & I ate pickles (ugggh!)
We are very different, Steven & I, but he is balance and grounding, bringing common sense to our very estrogen dominated family.  He taught himself to play guitar and has one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard.  As adults now, I am honored to also have him as a friend.
Rhoda was a pleasant surprise and welcome addition to our family.  She came along 6 years after Steven and it was such fun to have a baby in the house.  I left home when she was 4 so I missed a lot of her growing up.  Strangely my oldest, Kali  is much as I remember Rhoda.  And like mothers for generations past I am constantly slipping up and calling Kali by Rhoda’s name.
no mistaking this is my family…I have actually had the fleeting thought “this is Kali” 
  Being so far apart in age had us on different pages until she got married and we shared the fun of pregnancy together.  Our babies were born 5 weeks apart.  Talk about bonding.
 Yes, I was large as a whale and she trim, fit and glowing.  

She is a vivacious, talented, full of life and is a great  mama to my 2 precious nephews.She also happens to be one of my dearest friends.  

This spring when  mom was ill, our bond as siblings grew deeper and more concrete then I imagined possible.  Certain of them may kill me for posting about them on a public blog but hey they are my family and one of the biggest blessings in my life.  What’s not to share about that?!
My brother’s old convertible

Steven’s beautiful, amazing photographer, girlfriend, Evonda recently captured some very special shots of the 4 of us together. 
Trying to get the brother to smile is nearly impossible
Goofwad!
Goofwad 2!
Are we done yet?


The old adage is true, We can pick our friends but God gifts us with family.  
I happen to have given birth to 4 children who in many ways remind me of my siblings and I. I have the same 3 girls and 1 boy.  I have the ornery ones and the grounded ones, the sweet ones and the bossy.  I hope they are as blessed as I am in their sibling relationships and their bonds will only deepen as the years pass. After all siblings are one of the little things that make daily life more special! 

“Old Sauce”

Our garden is brimming with beautiful tomatoes, sadly something my current food plan does not include.  I have been finding other yummies to add to sandwiches and salads but decided I was going to take the lazy quick route and just do my canning all in chunk tomatoes which I reasoned could be opened and made into quick pizza sauce as needed thus avoiding all the bulk cooking, actually canning the stuff AND would help ease the reminder that tomatoes are on my no-no list.  Well my plan backfired big time when I made up some of that quick sauce the other night for  family pizza night.  My 6 year old suspiciously eyed the stuff and asked “Isn’t this your old sauce?” and from that point managed to spoil the rest of the meal with constant remarks about how yuck it was and how he wanted the “old sauce”.  Finally in exasperation I turned to my husband who was cheerfully but not very speedily eating his piece of pizza and asked him if it was as awful as son made it out to be (remember I can’t even taste it).  He paused (wise man 😉 and then kindly said, “well it IS kind of bland”. Big lesson for mama–apparently to have the edible “old sauce” one must simmer it–DUH!
So today was dubbed tomato day.  My entire deck table was full of large tomatoes.  I dutifully gathered my ingredients and set out to cook up some love for my son who has apparently become quite the foodie with very precise tastes!

Sink full!

lots of yummy including the last of my frozen peppers as we are eating the fresh to fast to save up for this!

lots of hubby’s famous Candy onions

basil & oregano

and of course, my trusty Vitamix!

I simply cut the tops and bad spots off and whir away–less waste and less time!

I let it set for a bit then skim the foam off the top–easy peasey!

Somehow I missed this old wives fable tip–simply running cold water in your sink while peeling/chopping onions makes so you don’t cry while working with even the stoutest onions!  Who knew?  It really worked tho I felt kind of silly wasting all that water.

trusty buddy again..chopping onions this time!  I do that with my peppers too.  God is so creative with color!

My helper whose reward will be “old sauce”

My big girl getting the cans ready for recycle

Sauce…

and more sauce!  Spagetti anyone?

I have to keep a tally sheet to remember how many pitchers of juice I put in the pot!

And now for the recipe:

  • 2 qts tomatoes blended in Vitamix
  • 3 onions
  • 4 peppers
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 3 T olive oil
  • 3 T butter
  • 2 c tomato paste
  • 1 t salt
  • 1/4 t pepper
  • 1 t oregano
  • 1 t basil
I simply blend the tomatoes, then puree the onions, peppers and garlic in the Vitamix and add to the tomatoes.  Add spices, oils (can use all butter or all olive oil) and paste.  Simmer until desired thickness-about 2 hours.  ENJOY!
After 40 + quarts we had to sample it at supper time and it got the official passing grade from my dear son who emphatically said “Mom this is soooo good!  It IS your old sauce.”
Yup that makes it all worth it ~ It’s the little things












Aunt Dini

When I married into the Miller family, I was blessed to gain a precious gem of an aunt, Odena.  Single, spunky and very independent, “Dini” as she was dubbed by the older grandchildren is the only sibling of Lowell’s dad and always lavishly spoiled Lowell and his 2 brothers, Merlin & Keith and seemingly decided to carry on that tradition with their wives and great nieces and nephews.  Her spoiling usually includes food whether it’s her famous Christmas caramels, smarties in her purse, making freezer pickles for Lowell & mustard pickles for Keith or keeping the milk house supplied with a large pan of cookies or bars.  (And did I mention she still helps with the milking?)   She is also big on birthdays and always gives cards that are more then just birthday cards from a box.  I have often been touched at how mine usually always says “to my niece”.  

Before I really got to know her, I thought her to be gruff and a bit rough around the edges but my how my opinion of her has changed.  She is kind, has a huge heart and would give the shirt off her back to help someone!  Over the last years as my children have gotten older and mostly potty trained,  she began coming over to babysit when I needed someone.  She gets downright huffy with me if I don’t ask her to come each week and keeps track of exactly how long it has been since she was here.  Plus the children love her to pieces and can’t wait to see her again.  She pretty much lets them get away with murder but hey, she is the most reliable, available 83 year old I have ever met and she takes good care of my precious ones.
Today she showed up with cabbage from her garden, 2 big stout heads ( sauer kraut coming up~yum!).  The children were bringing in abundant harvest from the garden and something was mentioned about the fact that we were doing apples today.  Right away spoke up and informed me she would be staying to help me.  I stammered around, secretly relieved but feeling overwhelmed at her leaving her work to come do mine.  She insisted.  So she stayed.  Not only are my 2 bushels of apples done, I have 17 pints of her old recipe (garlic sweet dill) pickles all finished and waiting to come out of the canner. 
Going home with her cane and her basket
I never cease to be amazed at how God sends us just what we need right when we need it.  Today He sent a dear cabbage-bearing-Dini to make my load lighter and my day just a bit brighter!   I am so blessed!

Love and Marriage

I am happily married (most of the time).  There are those days when I wonder what in the world I was thinking marrying this thru and thru Iowan who lived in the same house, attended the same church, shopped in the same town and had the same friends his whole entire life.  My life on the other hand was lived on a much, shall we say, broader scope.  LOL!  I can’t count on 2 hands how many houses I have lived in but with my personality that was just fine–I mean who wouldn’t love the adventure of having a new room and more new friends every few years?
If you would have told me 20 years ago how much work went into the institution of marriage I would have looked at you with my star gazer glasses on and said “O but when you find your soul mate..” and “who ever fights?  about money of all things?”   Yeah I was young and thought I knew all about it…
 I really can’t imagine life with out my soul mate who IS the man of my dreams.  I can’t tell you how long I prayed he would ask me out and then FINALLY he did!  After a whirlwind courtship we set off together with a whole truckload of ideals and a teeny tiny amount of “know how”.  We spent time in a third world country, faced infertility, experienced humiliating loss, endured a painful ugly period of separation and somewhere along the way gave birth to 4 precious miracles who have changed our selfish lifestyles profoundly.  We are far from perfect (I often get in trouble for somehow portraying that?) but we have a history and by the grace of God will continue weaving our own legacy for our our children.  There are still lots of things I wish I could change about him but hey it’s a 2 way street and I know I am not perfect! We are total opposites and both of us are firstborns (scary really!) but hey our life is never dull that’s for sure!  And while our romance may not be scripted like the movies (yeah we always end up at Walmart and/or Hyvee on our rare date nights) it’s perfect for me and a special blessing and gift from the Creator of love and marriage Himself!
The reality of the work that goes into every great marriage is enough to scare the most lovely, very brave souls away from taking the plunge and sadly is being played out in the decline of marriage even in the church today. A beautiful young friend recently made the comment to me that she doesn’t desire to burden herself with marriage as every marriage she sees around her is failing and miserable.  How sad and how often true? Marriage IS hard and we as the church are not making it any easier.  What would happen if instead of gossiping about every detail of something suddenly made public like a divorce or separation, we took those moments and lifted the couple in the spot light to God’s throne?  What if we tried to imagine life in their shoes and it scared us enough to keep our mouths shut and our knees worn?  As I ramble away here my heart is heavy for those around me who are in the depths of distress and despair in their marriages.  Being honest about pain is hard and opens us up to other people and their reactions and judgements of our circumstances. What would happen if we put aside judgement and were more open with each other and could step along side each other saying “we struggle too”?
Because our personal history includes marriage issues that became public I feel the pain of others in sad marriages in deeper ways then I ever imagined.  God has a way of making good things, learning and wisdom come out of our deepest pain.  I do believe he is calling those of us who are married to mirror his love to each other through our marriages thus affecting the negative viewpoints of marriage in general and establishing a more caring environment in our church families and our world around us where those who are hurting can be honest with out receiving judgement! After all marriage is a gift to be nurtured, treasured and enjoyed to the fullest!

                                                          My Love & I