I struggle with comparing myself and my family to others around me. There I said it. It doesn’t sound all that pretty.
Category: family
Resolutions
I have to admit I fluctuate back and forth between secretly hating all the new year’s resolutions clogging up my news feed and a sudden burst of energy and new determination for some of the things I would like to see differently in my life. Like the typical ones, yes please! I would love to lose weight and yes! I would like to read thru the Bible this year and yes! I would like to think I can yell less at my children and yes! I would love to be debt free…the list goes on. But when I sit and ponder my mind flies a hundred different directions and I wonder what is really important? What can I aim for this year to really make a difference in my life and in the lives of those I love?
2013 was a beautiful but tough year. Our little family faced disappointments, with the most “fresh” one being the big deal of missing Christmas at Nana’s due to Lexi’s being in the hospital. Another biggie was hubby and I missing out on a whole week’s worth of celebration in honor of our anniversary because Kali was in the hospital. (yup, this natural minded, “crunchy” mama has had way to much hospital this year!) Probably the most stressful part of the year started when I got a call from my sister saying my dear mom was having a stroke. I still tear up thinking of all the emotions gripping at my heart as I beheld my strong vibrant mother helpless as a small child. Tough and not necessarily fun stuff….
The “prettier” side of the year was wrapped up in small presents and handed to us gradually just as we needed them… Kali has become more confident in her reading and I am now delighting in catching her sitting reading to her siblings. Both of our girls who had hospital stays and my mama are thriving and becoming healthy again. Hunter finally got his 2 front teeth out (after the new ones made their full show right behind). We got some precious time with Nana & Pawpaw in the fall when we met them in St Louis for a short vacation. Abby is finally sleeping in her big girl bed and not wondering aimlessly thru the house at all hours of the night. All of these may seem pointless and small, not really anything to make a big deal about, but they are gifts none the less….
I love finding the good which is present indeed in any circumstance. When Kali was in the hospital, she beautifully portrayed the simple love of Jesus to “mean man doctor” (as I referred to him) and to the nurses some of who had never heard the sweet simple song, “Jesus Loves Me”. When mama had her stroke, my siblings and I grew closer then we have ever been . When Lexi’s hospital stay resulted in us missing our vacation we actually benefited in catching up on some serious sleep deprivation and we had some stay at home as a family time even if it was forced.
Recently Hunter had some bad dreams that made it hard for him to rest. Ironically his Bible verse that we have been working on is from Psalms where it says simply, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in THEE”. I urged him to lay quietly with his flashlight in hand and simply quote that verse when ever he felt afraid. It calmed his restlessness almost instantly as he lay there and quoted that verse. The first night I heard him say it over and over and then just like that he was asleep and has been doing fine since.
Perhaps the most important resolutions include attempting to be more childlike in my faith and looking more intentionally for what God is doing even when life isn’t exactly how I want. After all no matter what comes our way, Zephaniah 3:17 says “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Who can’t burst forth with joy at promises like that?!
Incomparable
Our Sunday School lesson today really got to my heart. When I began my study process for it, (I teach one of the ladies’ classes which on a side note are a super awesome group!) I was honestly kind of dreading it as the current sessions are from Isaiah which happens to be one of the books of the Bible not all that high on my favorites list. But when I began the reading part which came from chapter 40 I was blown away by how much of it was written exactly for me, right now, in this week in 2013, in the cold mid western winter which happens to be my least favorite season. (grumpy Grinch!)
I had one of those weeks. Not only on top of my already crazy hectic schedule of homeschooling and my reflexology clients, did I make many trips back and forth to the hospital with my sweet mom in love (a new term I have fallen very much in like with – I am Alta Miller’s daughter in love) but various ones of my children decided it was the perfect week to get their lungs full of that nasty cough which is ugliest whenever one tries to lay down to sleep something one really needs when dealing with stress. After 1 full night and most of another spent in the ER and at the hospital trying to wrap my brain around all the details of Alta’s issues I was so looking forward to/planning on catching up on rest which is usually a realistic goal since my baby is now 3. That “plan” did not work out so well and my whole first night “home” was spent trying to keep my 4 year old’s cough from completely gagging her which in essence took about 3/4 of the night so no catching up there. At one point in the pitch black as our child continued to sound as if she was coughing up her lung, I rested my bone weary head on my hands and informed my hubby that I don’t think God is hearing my prayers. I began to focus on and question everything that wasn’t in perfect order in my life and man let me tell you I can come up with quite the grumpy list….”Why did God make me wait so long to have these beautiful babies?– practically EVERYONE knows that the case load is to heavy with the combination of young ones and elderly parents” “Why would God take some one like the 15 year old that was killed in our area recently and leave the my ailing MIL whose quality of life has dramatically been altered and who is longing to go on to her Elmer?” “and why of all things couldn’t God keep my children healthy in a time when I really need them to be. I mean we try and take care of our health, we don’t eat gobs of junk food AND we take vitamins.” You get my drift….
Here is where Isaiah 40 comes in. Verse 6 in the NLT says People are like grass that dies away. Their beauty fades as quickly as the beauty of the flowers in the field. Then come verses 7 & 8 which say
The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord. And so it is with people. The grass withers and the flowers fade but the word of our God stands forever.
So in other words, I am like a fading flower. My self centered focus is but a fleeting breath in the broader spectrum of God’s big picture. And yet HE is forever! His word stands when all around us is falling apart.
I read on and came to my very favorite verses in the whole chapter, verse 11 – He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. (Yup that’s me!)
The chapter goes on the very next verse to emphasize the incomparable qualities of God. Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured the heavens with his fingers?….all the nations of the world are nothing in comparison to him. They are but a drop in the bucket, dust on the scales….in his eyes they are less then nothing–mere emptiness and froth. To whom then, can we compare God?…He is the one who spreads out the heavens like a curtain and makes his tent from them….
Then comes the end verses we all know well. Verse 29 – He gives power to those who are tired and worn out (that would be me this week) He offers strength to the weak. Even the youths (I am pushing 40 here!) will become exhausted and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like Eagles (Have you seen an eagle lately? Their wingspan is huge!) They will run and not grow weary (even when sleep deprivation takes over and becomes all consuming…JUST.give.ME.my.bed.leave.me.alone.AND.no.one.gets.HURT) They will walk and not faint…
Not only has this chapter given me a fresh perspective right when I needed it most it has brought just another reminder of how blessed I really am in being the daughter of the creator of the universe who is so much bigger and able then I can comprehend! As for the hearing my prayers part, verse 27 says this – How can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case? …the Lord is the everlasting God, (yup HE is still God even when at the end of my already crazy hectic week my 4 year old shows up with pneumonia) the Creator of the earth….He never grows faint or weary (even when one of his specks of dust is constantly complaining about how awful her beautiful pretty much perfect life is!)
So as I set off on a fresh new week my prayer is that my pouty list stays short (or non existent) and that I fully lean on my incomparable, amazing, all powerful Father who just happens to be creator of the universe!
On another more chipper note, we attempted to take family pictures this week. The results were not all that fabulous but hey we preserved the memories of having the kidos in their pretty Christmas duds.
Blogging was a new venture for me this year and I am enjoying it much tho I am sporadic at it. Thanks to you my readers for reading my stuff as I attempt to share my heart. I love writing. It is therapy and I always have said I would write if not a soul read it. However if I can share something that is encouraging or uplifting to you on your journey that, in the words of my favorite Duck Dynasty, makes me Happy, Happy, Happy! Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Housework vs. Hospitality
I am people person. Yes sometimes I need peace and total quiet but those who really know me best know I thrive on relationship and being around/with people. I love having guests and enjoy being spontaneous. However my life has changed quite drastically over the past 8 years. I have never been that spotless housekeeper who washes her walls, wood work and windows religiously every spring and fall but during our 8 years of married life and keeping my own house prior to babies the way I kept house was dramatically different from the home we live in now. Stuff stayed put and mostly clean and in order. While I am thankful in deep ways for the 4 beautiful ones who leave wet dirty underware in the clean towel cupboard and color to big a spot of their favorite color front and center on the living room wall (sorry bout that Phil & Bert) or leave cracker crumbs under the couch, it HAS drastically changed the way we invite guests into our humble abode. One time recently I was brave enough to invite last minute guests for Sunday lunch. While part of the group was gracious about the sticky marks on the chairs, one dear soul, with disdain written across her face, came and got my dish cloth to clean the salt and pepper shakers. I know she was probably trying to help but it was so very humiliating not to mention embarrassing. Needless to say, I was slightly paranoid about the rest of the meal and extra nervous about how the kids behaved. We survived and often as I think back to the event I pondered what God might be trying to teach me and how He actually looks at this whole cleanliness thing. As I looked thru the Bible for the cleanliness is next to Godliness verse, which by the way isn’t there, I came across the story of Martha and her sister Mary. Jesus comes to visit and Mary leaves the fuss and bustle and goes to sit at his feet (Hello–RELATIONSHIP!) while dear precious Martha keeps hurrying around with housekeeping details. Finally she goes to bug Jesus about that Mary not helping her. Jesus turns to her and says “Mary as chosen the good portion”…
As I browsed further, the headings of cleanliness took me mostly to verses about being clean and pure spiritually. How freeing! Yes I believe God is a God of order and He asks us to be wise stewards of what He shares with us. Hospitality is however commanded various times in scripture such as 1 Peter 4:9 where it says, “Show hospitality one to another with out grumbling” How simple is that? I freely admit that I am the worst at grumbling about getting ready for guests. I grumble at my children in the process and get down right irritable at hubby if his ambition doesn’t match my own and honestly sometimes that is why spontaneous guests is sometimes actually better. How can I as a busy mother chose the “good portion” over the ever enslaving housework which by the way will always be here? I really wonder sometimes if our busyness in this era of gadgets that are supposed to simplify our lives is one of the reasons we see so much loneliness and depression in the world around us and even in the church? How about we change our thought process around about what’s important and invite each other over even if we just serve popcorn and juice and step on cookie crumbs that have been left in strategic piles under the table? (Or not serve any food as most of us are trying to lose weight anyhow) God was truly genius in creating communities of people which He put together to form meaningful and challenging relationships and I am sure He is mortified that we are to consumed with cleanliness to take advantage of this beautiful gift.
**DISCLAIMER: just in case you’re wondering, my spontaneous-do-it-quickly nature is the reason there are white lines on this page…I.can.not.make.them.go.away but I am hitting publish anyway 😉
Waiting
Waiting (perhaps I should say patience) is not my greatest attribute. My habit is to swoop in, assess, and fix the “problem” in the fastest, easiest way possible. God doesn’t always agree with my plan and that sends me into a tail spin where I usually end up eating lots of chocolate, grumping at my family, shopping or writing. Which one is the safest I haven’t quite figured out tho I am sure figuring out the grumpy one usually only worsens my already dour mood and sure doesn’t serve my family well.
Of Cars and Colors
This past Sunday Pastor Leon preached an awesome message on prayer that has kept my mind rolling this week. Not only the conditions for true prayer ~ a clean and pure heart ~ but simply realizing that God does answer some of the prayers that seem silly or fulfills the desires of our heart that we may not have even specifically prayed about. It is so important to store those special answers away in a “faith chest” in our heart of hearts to remind us of God and His faithfulness when times of struggle and not understanding Him face us.
I was reminded of the way God specifically answers prayers in many ways already this week and thought some of them were to good not to share.
Lowell has been needing another truck as his is getting pretty rusty and because of its age is requiring more and more work. He has been browsing trucks on Ebay for probably close to a year and finally found one that is pretty much exactly what he wanted. Not only is it 4 door, it has big mirrors perfect for pulling the camper, and it has a bigger motor (mundane details to me right?!) But the clincher to me was the color. Lowell has always liked white and guess what color the “new” truck is?! WHITE! Now I am not saying he sat there and specifically told God about each of these details but he did mention them frequently to me so (I like to think) God having over heard them worked it all out and even threw in a great price as part of the deal.
Super Delicious (& Healthy) Honey Applesauce Bars
I came across an absolutely amazing-to-good-to-keep-to-myself recipe today. I was on a search for a way to utilize my freshly ground whole wheat and also use honey as I am completely out of sugar right now.
Years ago my mom gave me the cookbook, Cooking with Wisdom, which I have to admit I rarely use as it is almost to “healthy” oriented for my personal tastes (I love chocolate–carob doesn’t cut it!)
However the recipe for Applesauce cookies stuck out to me as one that might be ok, did some revisions, added frosting and WOWZA! It was a huge hit with the kidos and blew my diet for the day too!
Here is the recipe:
- 1c honey
- 1/2 c butter
- Blend well then add:
- 2 eggs
- 1 c unsweetened applesauce
- Sift together and add:
- 2 1/2 c freshly ground whole wheat (I used soft white wheat berries that are excellent for pastries)
- 1/2 t salt
- 1 t bkg soda
- 1/2 t bkg pwd
- 1 t cinnamon
- 1 t vanilla
- Mix well and pour into jelly roll pan (12 x 15) and bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out clean.
- cool and frost with:
- 1 – 8 oz cream cheese ( I used Nancy’s organics with probiotics)
- 1/2 c butter
- 2-3 c pwd sugar (dependent on how thick you like your frosting)
A Tribute to my Siblings





She is a vivacious, talented, full of life and is a great mama to my 2 precious nephews.She also happens to be one of my dearest friends.






“Old Sauce”
Our garden is brimming with beautiful tomatoes, sadly something my current food plan does not include. I have been finding other yummies to add to sandwiches and salads but decided I was going to take the lazy quick route and just do my canning all in chunk tomatoes which I reasoned could be opened and made into quick pizza sauce as needed thus avoiding all the bulk cooking, actually canning the stuff AND would help ease the reminder that tomatoes are on my no-no list. Well my plan backfired big time when I made up some of that quick sauce the other night for family pizza night. My 6 year old suspiciously eyed the stuff and asked “Isn’t this your old sauce?” and from that point managed to spoil the rest of the meal with constant remarks about how yuck it was and how he wanted the “old sauce”. Finally in exasperation I turned to my husband who was cheerfully but not very speedily eating his piece of pizza and asked him if it was as awful as son made it out to be (remember I can’t even taste it). He paused (wise man 😉 and then kindly said, “well it IS kind of bland”. Big lesson for mama–apparently to have the edible “old sauce” one must simmer it–DUH!
So today was dubbed tomato day. My entire deck table was full of large tomatoes. I dutifully gathered my ingredients and set out to cook up some love for my son who has apparently become quite the foodie with very precise tastes!
- 2 qts tomatoes blended in Vitamix
- 3 onions
- 4 peppers
- 3 garlic cloves
- 3 T olive oil
- 3 T butter
- 2 c tomato paste
- 1 t salt
- 1/4 t pepper
- 1 t oregano
- 1 t basil
Aunt Dini
When I married into the Miller family, I was blessed to gain a precious gem of an aunt, Odena. Single, spunky and very independent, “Dini” as she was dubbed by the older grandchildren is the only sibling of Lowell’s dad and always lavishly spoiled Lowell and his 2 brothers, Merlin & Keith and seemingly decided to carry on that tradition with their wives and great nieces and nephews. Her spoiling usually includes food whether it’s her famous Christmas caramels, smarties in her purse, making freezer pickles for Lowell & mustard pickles for Keith or keeping the milk house supplied with a large pan of cookies or bars. (And did I mention she still helps with the milking?) She is also big on birthdays and always gives cards that are more then just birthday cards from a box. I have often been touched at how mine usually always says “to my niece”.