Tag: healing

Finding Rest in a Restless World

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Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NIV

Those who know me well will tell you I don’t rest well. I may be a great sleeper, but sitting at rest is challenging for my ever wandering mind. There are always chores to do, people to feed or loved ones needing time and attention. Over the past years, however, God has shown me over and over that he desires my resting time as much as he needs me to do the busy things he has created me to do. So, I am making efforts to carve out times to just sit and be still.

For me, being restless hasn’t just been the actual physical busy I find myself consumed with, but also the busy in my soul and mind. Last week after Kali left, I found myself in a new and very unknown stage where I was not familiar with the emotions or the ways my mind would run. I couldn’t understand the tightening in my chest, or the way that tears would constantly show up in unexpected spaces. I know some of that is indeed the changing of seasons but I found something else tucked quietly behind one of those walls in my brain that provided a big ah-ha moment.

One day as I was putting something away in Kali’s room, it was as if I heard a quiet voice saying “she’s not dead…she just grew up.” Duh! All of a sudden it hit me. My body was processing and equating this season with Abby’s leaving. Now the way my chest constricted made sense. I had felt these things in very real and painful ways before. My brain knew about those and so that is the path it took. I was able to verbalize my realization with a dear praying friend who validated what I was feeling. It felt good just saying it out loud and God used those moments to bring my heart to peace. I am so thankful for our sweet Father, who blesses us with all the parts and pieces we need to find true rest in Him. He is good.

**Completely on a side note here! Not a paid promotion! If you need God honoring Biblical based help in this area of the power of the brain, my friend, Iva has been a great resource to me personally in this area!

**Photo compliments of my Kali from her Costa Rican travels.

Impossible Possibility

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Recently something happened in my day that gave me a flashback to some pretty scary moments that happened over two decades ago. Lowell & I were serving as missionaries in Haiti where we lived close to the beautiful Caribbean, far out in the boondocks away from the civilized world we were used to here at home. Electricity came and went and warm showers were a treat. Mostly we enjoyed the beautiful countryside, learning another language, rice, beans and goat from the roadside stand, and year around sunshine.

We had been there several months when I got super sick with what ended up being malaria. Lowell had gone out into the fields to help on a project, leaving me alone. I knew I was pretty sick and when the thermometer beeped at 103.8 I knew I had to get help as nothing I was doing to help myself was working. With blurred vision, I wobbled out to the closest working truck and climbed in praying that God would let me find Lowell. I don’t remember a lot of the rest of that day. I just knew I was ever so cold from the air conditioner blasting on me as Lowell and our mission director, Leon bounced me along the almost impassable road on what normally was a 3 hour trip to the closest American doctor and his mission hospital. My tongue refused to cooperate when Lowell asked me questions. I was trapped alone in my head which was throbbing with pain unlike I had ever experienced before. I do remember telling Lowell that if I died, I didn’t want to be buried in Haiti. He struggled to understand what I was saying and kept trying to yank whatever covers I could secure away from my tight grasp. As we bumped along, the words from a song I knew and loved ran through my mind….”God likes to work when nothing else will. God likes to work when your back’s to the wall. When faith’s in the balance and you’re just about to fall…. They’ll be no mistaking when he blesses and heals….God likes to work when nothing else will.” They tell me I actually was humming in my delirium and it makes sense because even though all else is fuzzy, that song was on constant replay. When we finally got to the hospital compound, they gave me meds and finally let me have a small blanket. I have a faint recollection of the kind doctor praying as he checked me over. Then I was asleep.

When I awoke late the next morning, my fever had finally broken. My road to recovery was not easy but God did choose to allow complete healing.

I have thought back to those moments many times and have often referred to them as one of my Rock Ebeneezer moments, those spaces in time where God shows himself faithful despite what looks like impossibility. Living in a third world country provided many occasions to realize how necessary it is to see God for who HE really is! When the comforts we are accustomed to are not readily available or easily accessible, we are often “forced” into trust which is really where we should “land” first. After all, our Creator God, Abba Father and Divine Healer is much more capable than any human sources we may surround ourselves with. HE is so good…

Here’s a link to”my” song 😉

Luke 1:37 – For with God NOTHING shall be impossible…

Psalm 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.…

On a side note, the country of Haiti is currently in a time of tremendous unrest leaving most missions unable to be in the country to minister. Pray for the safety of our Haitian brothers and sisters and wisdom for the missions God has called to that hurting country!

Letting Go

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It feels sooo good to write again!

So much has happened since I was last here. I was blessed with the gift of nearly full time employment which in combination with building our home, homeschooling my son and just being wife and mom, has put a crimp on my personal leisure time. But some thoughts have been rolling around in my brain that I need to vocalize, so here I am.

I’ve been big on the phrase “hold it lightly”. It seems there’s very little in life we can truly control though if you’re like me you’d really like to think otherwise.

A few months before Abby died I went through a process of surrendering her to whatever God had. The process was grueling and intense and yet brought peace. Little did I know the unfathomable pain I would walk through a few short months later. I remember holding her cold, lifeless body screaming out to God for his help and mercy. Even as the flight medics worked on her, I had a quiet peace and a complete understanding that she was indeed with Jesus already and that medicine though so advanced was not to be her path. Realizing that over the nightmare of the next 21 hours was surreal.

I’ve really struggled since, understanding surrendering to God’s will. Fear has had it’s ugly grip on my heart causing me to shrink away into my reclusive corner whenever I’m faced with the reality of the frailty of life. I’ve wondered if vocalizing what scares me is an invitation of sorts for the inevitable to plague me. Like yesterday. My husband made a comment about his health. Instantly my heart went into panic mode. I couldn’t possibly go on without him. The house isn’t finished yet. The kids are still reeling from the traumatic death of their sibling. I want to grow old with him….. So many of the same thoughts that had crossed my mind in my process of surrendering Abby made their way to the forefront of the battle in my head. I couldn’t breathe.

Then, though not audibly, I heard God whisper, “Dorothy do you trust me with Lowell? He’s not really yours anyhow. He’s mine…”

Surrendering those we love or anything dear to us for that matter, is not an easy feat. Realizing however that everything and everyone we hold dear really does belong to God makes the exhausting process a teeny bit easier.