Category: dislexia awareness

Minutes & Seasons – A Timely Space For Parenting Myths and Other Conundrums

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Autumn brings out that organizing and nesting part of my nature. Not that it isn’t present all the other seasons, but I get great satisfaction in pulling out my bin of fall decor and shaking some extra cinnamon on my hot chai.

While beautiful, September isn’t always an easy time as it marks the month my last baby, our precious Abby, was born (9/14/10) and reminds us of her absence in our midst. This year I find myself extra nostalgic about how fast my other babies have grown up. I find myself a bit apprehensive about the days and weeks ahead. Kali, our oldest, graduated from high school in May of this year, with highest honors I might add which is an absolute blessing for someone who is a diagnosed dyslexic. This grand occasion hurdled Lowell and I into uncharted territory…that place of having adult children.

I have always, from day one, adored being a mama. After nearly 10 years of infertility, my children are truly my gifts directly from heaven and a dream come true. While I had not had homeschooling on my radar, as time with my precious ones went on and it came time to make those schooling decisions, it was what we chose. I really had no idea if it would be something we would do long term. Apparently after 14 years, I guess it was a good fit though we have had a lot of various combinations along the way. Kali chose our local public school for high school which was the perfect fit for her. She was strong and rooted in her faith and shone God’s light brightly where ever she went. She developed an amazing network of Godly friendships, some of which continue post high school and have had far reaching blessings for our entire family. Hunter has always been super content to be home with me and has done a combination of home school and added in music at the public school, which has been his flourishing spot for sure. This year, Lexi joins him at the public school for marching band and also in her main area of interest, Culinary labs! We have found our perfect niche in that combo contrary to the myth that homeschoolers must always be just that – learners at home only. I am so so grateful for the options available in our district and state!

Somewhere along the line though, I missed the memo about how releasing our babies into the big wide world is not for the faint of heart. While I am fiercely proud of Kali and the beautiful woman of God she is, sending her far away (Costa Rica!) for an extended period of time (10 months!) is not all that jolly of a time, busting another myth that kiddos leaving home is just the best.

A hundred thoughts crash through my brain as I contemplate how normal of an occurrence launching children is. I wonder what my own mother felt as I left home and moved a state away soon followed by my little sister who moved several states away. I could never have comprehended the whale of emotion that accompanies this process. I am sure there are books somewhere on the subject but I am more of a have-a-friend-tell-me-about-it kind of person. As I have initiated conversation with other wise women who have walked this path ahead of me, I have gleaned many helpful realizations. People do this every day. I am most certainly not the first person on the planet to experience these emotions. While there is great joy in releasing our birdies to fly where God has obviously called them, there is also grief of sorts at the final closure of a huge and enormous chapter that has encompassed so much of our life as we know it. And yes, I am sitting here making lots of typing errors because of the leaking problem my eyes are encountering as I process exactly where we are. Never again will our household be just like it has been for the last 18 and a half years. While my assumption is that I will again have my 3 all living under my roof again, it won’t be in the same format and I know I have a whole lot to learn about being a parent to grown up children.

While my teenagers are most certainly not perfect and have blessed me with a few gray hairs, they are among my most favorite people! I am ecstatic that God has shared them with us for these minutes making up our family’s times and seasons thus far. And I am filled with the hope of enjoying a great many more joy filled moments together in the seasons he brings our way. He is so good!

My Adult Child #1 (Definitely not used to that term yet..)

My one and only son and high school senior
My beautiful and taller than me now newly licensed driver…

Us! In one of our favorite places…

Remembering Abby – Gone but never ever forgotten (9/14/10 – 7/15/14)

What Matters Most

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2019 has been a year of changes in our household.  

Many have been major and more life affecting then we could have ever imagined. 

I must confess that I care too much about what others think about our life, so my anxiety has heightened in the process. 

I’m learning change isn’t always bad.  Sometimes it is the healthiest of choices. 

A plant can not become the beautiful green we see without change. 

Growth isn’t easy and is definitely not pain free. 

Leaving our church home of many decades topped the list of difficult change.  Lowell has referred to the process as more difficult than death. It has been a type of death, of life plans and dreams. Issues still unresolved bring harsh reminders, but God gifted us with His beautiful peace and strong awareness that our family is exactly where He wants us. 

My health has continued to be a challenge. I ended up with a hysterectomy, a partial thyroidectomy, continuing sinus infections, and will end the year with dentures (yes…at the age of 44) all of which are major changes. What really matters is that I am much better off without the diseased parts. The dentures are the most challenging, but I have been told the long term teeth issues are most likely at least part of the reason for the ongoing headaches and sinus infections. Even though, I haven’t felt the greatest and am back on meds that mess with my gut majorly, God continues to be faithful. 

Most recently we made a family decision that will change our lives dramatically.  The girls decided they want to go to “real” school and mom and dad decided to oblige.  Having homeschooled our whole family life and anticipating doing so to the end, threw me for a loop.  With the learning struggles our children have all had, my emotions have vacillated between anxiety at the job I have done as a teacher and not having them where I “want” them and joy at seeing their excitement. While I am sure there will be stresses yet unseen and hurdles they’ll have, I am blessed they have a good place where they already have friends, for them to start this different part of their journey even though it means mom has to learn a whole bunch of stuff she knows nothing about like bus schedules and lunch accounts.  What really matters is that my girls have had some really cool relationships that have readied them for this season. And they have God and his care and love guiding them. 

Another funeral for a younger (50ish) man from our church has reminded me again of how short life is.  All of us face difficulties and stresses. While I may sound like a broken record, each day is a gift. Living it to the fullest and doing so for the God who created it and us is what really matters most. 

Magnificent Adversity ~ Finding Purpose in Pain

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His face seemed sad as he sat quietly beside me. I could tell he wanted to chat, to tell me the thoughts currently plaguing his mind.  

I struggled knowing the right questions to ask, though I could guess exactly what was coming.  

I had urged him to go to an overnight multi church event, telling him it would be fun. 

He’d been hesitant, but agreed to go. 

Since his little sister died 5 years ago, sleep has been an issue, so I obtained permission for him to bring his audio book and a noise machine our family has found to be helpful, pushing back the worry that it may be another way to set him apart. 

Sure enough.  

I watched my son, with tears in his eyes, explain how he had been the object of jokes and how the other boys had told him in plain english that he just wasn’t cool enough to be with them.  

Ugh.

I’ve thought as he’s grown, that boys are so much less drama than girls.  

How incorrect my assumption!   

I know my son is different.  

He’s left handed, dislexic, and big for his age.  

He prefers entertaining younger children over playing games with his peers and still, at age 12,  loves Thomas the Tank engine. 

He’s never been into playing ball or sports of any kind, thought we’ve offered to get him involved. 

Despite the list of things he’s not, he is a mastermind at fixing things. 

He is my troubleshooter, fixing anything from my broken food processor to the tv remote. 

Reading the hard copy of a book is not his strength but he has devoured close to a hundred full length, age/grade appropriate audio books in the past few months. 

Parenting has had many surprising twists and turns. 

I did not anticipate the sheer amount of drama that presents its ugly self each day. 

I remember some drama as a kid but the stuff my kids have experienced makes me contemplate moving the family to a deserted island. 

Just kidding of course.  

In all seriousness though, I long to protect them and just make things be ok. I wish life would treat them kindly.  Not that we need a pass for doses of extra kindness, but from my vantage point, grief pretty much made their playing field uneven, rough at the edges.  

I pray for Godly, kind friendships for each of my children and that they could be kind as God is kind, loving the unlovely and the unpopular. 

Mostly, I hope that I am not making them into feeble, frail persons who as adults will embrace a victim mentality, holding on tightly to every hurtful situation.  

As I continue to observe their stories unfolding, I am made painfully aware of how much I am just like them, insecure, awkward, unsure of who exactly God made me to be. 

This past year has been a real exercise in reminding myself almost daily that I am not the sum of what people have said and surmised me to be.

The pain of being labeled and defined by one’s weakness and past can squeeze the very life out of a hurting soul. 

It’s especially difficult when the most hateful of actions and words come from those professing the name of Christ. 

My teenage daughter spoke complete truth from one of our family’s lowest points this past summer stating simply that if the actions we have seen represent Christianity, she wants nothing of it, no part!

What then is the basis of living like Jesus, learning what God is trying to teach us and finding the good in our adversities?  

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says very simply “Encourage one another and build each other up”….

How do we do that?

The start may simply be understanding that God created each and everyone of us with meaning and purpose and treating those around us with that awareness. 

I recently sat through a super fun, community class where the main focus was studying personality differences.  We looked at our own strengths, weaknesses, joys and needs and then evaluated which other natures we get along with the easiest and how very important it is to remember the need for each and every personality God created. 

While some of the hard times in life revolve around more than simple personality differences, evaluating the reactions of others based on how God created them may help us extend grace much more freely. 

Maybe our focus is key?  

I am hoping that my children will see me work through my own pain, insecurity and awkwardness in healthy ways and that they will find the courage to seek and find God’s unique purpose for each of them and offer that grace to others. 

Resolutions

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I have to admit I fluctuate back and forth between secretly hating all the new year’s resolutions clogging up my news feed and a sudden burst of energy and new determination for some of the things I would like to see differently in my life.  Like the typical ones, yes please! I would love to lose weight and yes! I would like to read thru the Bible this year and yes! I would like to think I can yell less at my children and yes! I would love to be debt free…the list goes on. But when I sit and ponder my mind flies a hundred different directions and I wonder what is really important?  What can I aim for this year to really make a difference in my life and in the lives of those I love?

2013 was a beautiful but tough year.  Our little family faced disappointments, with the most “fresh” one being the big deal of missing Christmas at Nana’s due to Lexi’s being in the hospital.  Another biggie was hubby and I missing out on a whole week’s worth of celebration in honor of our anniversary because Kali was in the hospital. (yup, this natural minded, “crunchy” mama has had way to much hospital this year!) Probably the most stressful part of the year started when I got a call from my sister saying my dear mom was having a stroke. I still tear up thinking of all the emotions gripping at my heart as I beheld my strong vibrant mother helpless as a small child. Tough and not necessarily fun stuff….

The “prettier” side of the year was wrapped up in small presents and handed to us gradually just as we needed them…  Kali has become more confident in her reading and I am now delighting in catching her sitting reading to her siblings.  Both of our girls who had hospital stays and my mama are thriving and becoming healthy again. Hunter finally got his 2 front teeth out (after the new ones made their full show right behind). We got some precious time with Nana & Pawpaw in the fall when we met them in St Louis for a short vacation.  Abby is finally sleeping in her big girl bed and not wondering aimlessly thru the house at all hours of the night.  All of these may seem pointless and small,  not really anything to make a big deal about, but they are gifts none the less….

I love finding the good which is present indeed in any circumstance.  When Kali was in the hospital, she beautifully portrayed the simple love of Jesus to “mean man doctor” (as I referred to him) and to the nurses some of who had never heard the sweet simple song, “Jesus Loves Me”.   When mama had her stroke, my siblings and I grew closer then we have ever been .  When Lexi’s hospital stay resulted in us missing our vacation we actually benefited in catching up on some serious sleep deprivation and we had some stay at home as a family time even if it was forced.

Recently Hunter had some bad dreams that made it hard for him to rest.  Ironically his Bible verse that we have been working on is from Psalms where it says simply, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in THEE”.  I urged him to lay quietly with his flashlight in hand and simply quote that verse when ever he felt afraid.  It calmed his restlessness almost instantly as he lay there and quoted that verse.  The first night I heard him say it over and over and then just like that he was asleep and has been doing fine since.

Perhaps the most important resolutions include attempting to be more childlike in my faith and looking more intentionally for what God is doing even when life isn’t exactly how I want. After all no matter what comes our way,  Zephaniah 3:17 says “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Who can’t burst forth with joy at promises like that?!