Category: family

Creative Chaos ~ Inviting Children Into The Kitchen

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If you’re anything like me you might shudder at the thought of having your young ones help in the kitchen.  After having 4 babies in 4 years, the many needs of littles took precedence over my love of cooking and baking.  

Now as I navigate through what was once my haven, I sigh as I remember my clean, organized, pre-motherhood kitchen.  Remnants of toast and strawberry jam occupy one corner, while a dirty pot someone warmed hot chocolate in sits unwashed on the burner.  A jar of peanuts with the lid half off sits beside my flour and sugar canisters. 

Can you picture it?

Now, don’t let me mislead you with the title, I am not always an inviting mother.  My descriptive tag could usually more accurately be “momzilla”. I confess that on any given day,  there may be frequent grumping and loud roars at my young one’s attempts to help me in what I consider to be my space.  Sadly, I am guilty of crushing tender hearts, sending them away in tears as I huff and puff, hurrying to just get done. 

As my children have grown into independent human beings with definitive tastes of their own, it has become more challenging to prepare a good balanced meal everyone consumes willingly.  

Each meal turned mom into an on demand, short order cook. The realization of how little my children actually knew about the kitchen and what happens there reinforced the reality that my impatience and inability to share my space was actually doing my children a huge disservice. 

Since we are a home school family, I decided to implement food prep and time in the kitchen into our schedule.  Each of my children, ages 13, 12 & 10 now cook independently or at least help me cook on their scheduled day. Doing so has forced me to be intentional in not making our schedule to full, a big key to a harmonious shared space.  My own grumpy doesn’t seem to sneak out as easily when we aren’t rushed. Plus, each meal has some kind of learning involved. Both reading and math are present in our menu, which is my sneaky way of practice for the one that struggles.  Surprisingly, I must say that involving my children has greatly decreased the appearance of the picky eating monster and I’m delighted to simply cook one meal that all enjoy. Watching their creativity as they plan, prep and prepare their meals has made my mama heart proud.  

When our oldest daughter was about 8 or 9 all she wanted to do was concoct her own recipes.  Though some things did not turn out as she envisioned, she came up with some yummy treats like chocolate apple pie. (it’s really quite delish!)   While she would rather be out playing volleyball, she never ceases to amaze me with her meal plans and foodie ideas.

Daughter number 2,  is my naturally born chef and at age 10, literally spends daily time serving us.  I find her entertaining to watch and wonder often what God is preparing her to be and do.  She tastes and samples as she goes, making sure each flavor comes through just right. She’s become quite the salsa making expert and loves coming up with healthier dishes for us to enjoy. Some days when ingredients are smeared all over the stove and every square inch of counter space, I have to bite my tongue and gently and quietly help her learn how to properly clean her cooking space when she’s finished with her creations, which is a life skill in and of itself.

Recently as the family bemoaned the fact that there was no dessert to be found in the house, my son asked if we could try making our own biscotti.  I had no idea at that point, that he even knew what biscotti was, but we had a bunch of fun looking through recipes till we found the perfect one. The whole container full was gone in about 48 hours so we set out to make them again, adding more of our own personal flavors the second time around.  While they still have sugar in them, it is less than a traditional cookie and I feel like I am serving a bit of a healthier option. Plus he and I made some great memories in the process. 

Here are some of our kid tested and approved recipes that are used on a frequent basis. 

Fresh Salsa

1 hot pepper

1 cucumber (optional) 

1 bell pepper

3 cloves garlic (crushed)

4 sprigs fresh cilantro (or 1 T dried) 

1 small onion

1 qt canned tomatoes (drained)

Juice of 1 lemon or lime (about 2 T) 

½ T salt

I allow my children to use the food processor when I am present.  It has been the easiest way to prepare this quickly unless you love chopping. 

Place all ingredients into food processor except for the tomatoes. We like to see and taste the individual flavors so we just pulse till nicely blended not pureed. 

Place chopped items in serving bowl and do the same with the tomatoes. 

Mix gently.  Refrigerate till serving time. 

This has become a staple in our home as it tastes fresh even in the dark days of winter. It is the basis of several meals and snacks including hay stacks and wet burritos both of which can be a yummy way to incorporate fresh veggies. 

King Arthur Biscotti

6 T butter 

Scant ⅔ c sugar

½ t salt

3 t vanilla

½  t almond extract

1 ½ t baking powder

2 eggs

2 cups flour

Add ins – our favorites are any kind of nuts especially peanuts and pecans, chocolate chip (white or milk).  We usually add about 1 to 1 ½ cups into the dough at the end.

Side note: We found this original recipe on my favorite King Arthur Flour website. I have found that these seem to turn out better using that flour. 

Preheat oven to 350.

Line 13 x 18 baking sheet with parchment paper. 

In large mixing bowl, beat butter, sugar, vanilla and almond extract, salt and baking powder till creamy.  Beat in the eggs. At low speed, add flour. Lastly gently fold in chosen add ins. Dough will be sticky. Divide dough in half and shape it into 2 logs about 10 inches long by 2 inches wide and about ¾ inch tall.  Wet a spatula and use it to smooth out the surfaces, making sure each log is the same thickness so that they will bake evenly. Bake the dough for 25 minutes. Remove from oven. Using a spray bottle filled with room temperature water, thoroughly spritz the logs making sure to cover the entire surface. Reduce the oven temperature to 325.  Place trays back into the oven for 5 minutes, then pull out and slice into ½ inch slices with a bread knife. Set slices on edge and place back into the oven for another 20 to 25 minutes or until they start to feel dried out and turn golden brown. 

Transfer to a baking rack to cool. We store in large glass jars. 

We love sipping/dunking these into hot chocolate, chai, coffee or even just plain cold milk. 

Our Favorite Family Salad Bar

Lettuce and/or other greens (I have learned my family loves the butterhead lettuce I purchase pretty much year around at Costco.)

Cucumbers

Peppers

Onion

Carrots

Broccoli

Cabbage

Eggs

Cheese

Bacon

Grilled Chicken, steak or turkey (Can grill a large batch and freeze for later!)

Various dressings

Recently some health challenges spurred me into thinking about incorporating even more veggies into our diet.  While I don’t usually run into issues with desserts and yummy main and side dishes, getting my kids to choose to eat salad seemed impossible until I started asking them for input on what they think might be salad topping. I have found that my children are fascinated with and love to use my kitchen gadgets.  This makes chopping, shredding and dicing a breeze. We serve each ingredient in a separate bowl, as I have found allowing each family member to assemble their own salad makes for a much happier meal time. 

The protein options actually make this a super simple and complete meal that leaves even my big eaters full. 

While I still am guilty of displaying a less than Christ like attitude to my children when they come into my kitchen,  I find it helpful to recall how patient Christ is with me in the learning process messes that I make. I am also painfully aware since my youngest daughter died suddenly,  how quickly life can change and that we may not always have the children we take for granted.  

God has gifted us with them and instructs us to teach them in the way they should go. Teaching takes time and patience.   I can’t help but think there can’t be a much more fun (and delicious) place to do so than in the kitchen. 

5 Tips For Cultivating Gratitude

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In a study noted at Harvard, psychologists found that giving thanks can actually make you happier. They also found gratitude helpful for people focusing on what they had, instead of what they lacked. 

As fall turns to winter, shorter amounts of daylight breed depression for many.

Instead of succumbing to the negative, why not try gratitude instead?

#5. Write a thankyou note to someone who has made a difference in your life.  

A real honest to goodness stamped envelope or postcard in the mailbox is an extra treat in a society bombarded with instant everything. 

Thank your hairstylist for the great cut you get each month.  Compliment your pastor for the time he spent on last week’s sermon. Tell your child’s teacher how much you appreciate the extra time they spent helping Johnny with a harder concept.  Look up someone from your childhood who made a difference for you during those tough preteen/teen years. Your parents, spouse, children and friends are excellent choices as well.

#4. Thank God (out loud) for the green light and the open parking spot.

Our children hear us loud and clear.  The vocal grumping at the slow poke driver in the fast lane needs to be balanced by thanks for the non irritating parts of the day.  Or, you could try thanking God for the slow poke. 

#3. Keep A Prayer Journal.

Sometimes writing out requests helps our focus become less selfish.  Charting answers to prayer can provide a faith boost. The Harvard study also stated that people who pray and meditate are more grateful. 

#2. Start a “3 Things” Tradition with your family. 

At the end of each day, whether at dinner or at bedtime, have each family member name 3 things they are grateful for.   It can be the good supper mom made, or the play date with a best friend. We live in a warm house and our shoes don’t have holes in them. You get the idea. 

#1. Be intentional.

After Abby died, I found it a chore to get out of bed each day. 

My sweet friend Sara introduced me to the idea of taking pictures and making an Instagram post each morning about 1 thing that brought me joy or that I was thankful for. What started as a 30 day challenge, ended up being a year plus of daily posts.   Even though the time included hospitalization with a scary illness, there was still always something good if I chose to look for it. Being intentional takes work but is so rewarding!

Psalms 9:1 says,  “ I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” He has blessed us indeed.  The least we can do is live with a heart of gratitude!

What are you most thankful for today? I’d love to hear your list!

Magnificent Adversity ~ Finding Purpose in Pain

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His face seemed sad as he sat quietly beside me. I could tell he wanted to chat, to tell me the thoughts currently plaguing his mind.  

I struggled knowing the right questions to ask, though I could guess exactly what was coming.  

I had urged him to go to an overnight multi church event, telling him it would be fun. 

He’d been hesitant, but agreed to go. 

Since his little sister died 5 years ago, sleep has been an issue, so I obtained permission for him to bring his audio book and a noise machine our family has found to be helpful, pushing back the worry that it may be another way to set him apart. 

Sure enough.  

I watched my son, with tears in his eyes, explain how he had been the object of jokes and how the other boys had told him in plain english that he just wasn’t cool enough to be with them.  

Ugh.

I’ve thought as he’s grown, that boys are so much less drama than girls.  

How incorrect my assumption!   

I know my son is different.  

He’s left handed, dislexic, and big for his age.  

He prefers entertaining younger children over playing games with his peers and still, at age 12,  loves Thomas the Tank engine. 

He’s never been into playing ball or sports of any kind, thought we’ve offered to get him involved. 

Despite the list of things he’s not, he is a mastermind at fixing things. 

He is my troubleshooter, fixing anything from my broken food processor to the tv remote. 

Reading the hard copy of a book is not his strength but he has devoured close to a hundred full length, age/grade appropriate audio books in the past few months. 

Parenting has had many surprising twists and turns. 

I did not anticipate the sheer amount of drama that presents its ugly self each day. 

I remember some drama as a kid but the stuff my kids have experienced makes me contemplate moving the family to a deserted island. 

Just kidding of course.  

In all seriousness though, I long to protect them and just make things be ok. I wish life would treat them kindly.  Not that we need a pass for doses of extra kindness, but from my vantage point, grief pretty much made their playing field uneven, rough at the edges.  

I pray for Godly, kind friendships for each of my children and that they could be kind as God is kind, loving the unlovely and the unpopular. 

Mostly, I hope that I am not making them into feeble, frail persons who as adults will embrace a victim mentality, holding on tightly to every hurtful situation.  

As I continue to observe their stories unfolding, I am made painfully aware of how much I am just like them, insecure, awkward, unsure of who exactly God made me to be. 

This past year has been a real exercise in reminding myself almost daily that I am not the sum of what people have said and surmised me to be.

The pain of being labeled and defined by one’s weakness and past can squeeze the very life out of a hurting soul. 

It’s especially difficult when the most hateful of actions and words come from those professing the name of Christ. 

My teenage daughter spoke complete truth from one of our family’s lowest points this past summer stating simply that if the actions we have seen represent Christianity, she wants nothing of it, no part!

What then is the basis of living like Jesus, learning what God is trying to teach us and finding the good in our adversities?  

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says very simply “Encourage one another and build each other up”….

How do we do that?

The start may simply be understanding that God created each and everyone of us with meaning and purpose and treating those around us with that awareness. 

I recently sat through a super fun, community class where the main focus was studying personality differences.  We looked at our own strengths, weaknesses, joys and needs and then evaluated which other natures we get along with the easiest and how very important it is to remember the need for each and every personality God created. 

While some of the hard times in life revolve around more than simple personality differences, evaluating the reactions of others based on how God created them may help us extend grace much more freely. 

Maybe our focus is key?  

I am hoping that my children will see me work through my own pain, insecurity and awkwardness in healthy ways and that they will find the courage to seek and find God’s unique purpose for each of them and offer that grace to others. 

Living Deliberately

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Today my sweet friend buries her mother.

As I sat and chatted with her a few weeks back, she shared how she had helped her mom pick out the dress and jewelry she would be buried in. As I stood at the casket admiring the sparkle of the fabric and the beauty of the necklace, my mind of course went back to another time and another casket and the thoughts of those moments swirling in my brain.

Each death I observe seems to have that jarring effect.

My mom lost her first sibling a few months back, a brother just younger then her. They were close. My siblings and I are close to his kids. Watching them grieve has made me think about life in that sobering, change your thinking kind of way. Again.

After Abby died, I thought for sure I would never slip back into my old complacency and the lack of living intentionally. Sadly, I all to easily find myself there.

I don’t know if I will ever come to the place where guilt does not plague the thoughts of my last moments with her.

I was busy, to busy to stop and enjoy the moments.

As much as I know guilt is not the place to live, I struggle with the muddle at that very thin line between feeling sadly and living in peace.

Relationships and life in general can be intense and exhausting. Watching my friend and my cousins cope with the reality of sickness and death has reminded me much how the effort of multiple weekend trips or the time for the phone call are to soon memories and the only tokens left of the life of someone who was a deep integral part of our very foundation.

As I wrote much on my facebook grief page, I often ended with “mamas, GO hug your babies”.

That hug, smile or kind words may be the last moments we get to share.

We don’t know.

We aren’t promised tomorrow.

All we have are the moments right in front of us right now.

For me that means putting down my device or the work I think will never end and listening to my sweet daughters who both still love to talk to me, sometimes incessantly. It means hugging my touch loving son multiple times a day. It’s about calling my own sweet mama for our daily chat.

It boils down to cherishing the good, the bad and the ugly and embracing a life of intentional love.

Finding My Place

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Before I begin,  I want to emphasize:

*1. I am writing in the spirit of Proverbs 11:14 where it says “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; In the multitude of counselors there is safety”  

I am hoping to spark a discussion on a subject that has been kind of taboo.  It may not be an issue in every church and community but it has long been causing controversy, pain and division in my circles.

*2. I could journal privately…some say that may be better.  Words can’t be unsaid. However, this post has been brewing for many months. I released it last fall, and in typical Dorothy fashion caused a stir so I took it down, prayed and edited more. SO thankful for Godly mentors who have been a part of the journey to the re- release.

*3. I am not a radical secular feminist.  I believe God has distinct roles for women. He loves us and created us to bring glory to Him. 

That said, I do believe that Christianity through the centuries has fueled the fires of the ugly side of radical feminism by treating women as “less than” and allowing heinous abuse to continue under the guise of “Godly” male leadership thus encouraging many groups to succumb to embracing a shame culture…

I have bumbled about in my writings and have sometimes posted what some consider to be controversial. I’ve been told I make people squirm and feel uncomfortable, like when I posted on my own blog,  something very personal that happened to me in a 2014 blog, titled “The value of women in the church”. Can be found here: https://dorothymiller.org/2014/01/

The downside of what I have been told are my giftings are the facts that I can be bossy, overly dramatic, pushy…overbearing.  That is not my heart. 

  A while back, at a roundtable discussion of a Christian organization I belonged to,  the moderator read an anonymous comment from someone apparently irritated at how women were becoming “noticeable” in the workings of the group.  While the discussion that emerged didn’t necessarily agree with the comment, other females in the group (myself included) began to question if we were truly stepping out of place. 

This questioning  brought old yuckies out of the dark closets of my being. Part of the comment questioned if women should be “allowed” to pray out loud in public settings.  

Suddenly, I was back in time a few years, cheeks burning, wishing I could fall into a hole in the ground. I had just requested prayer for a female friend who was in a tough situation. As I turned to sit down, the group leader handed me the microphone and asked if I would stand in the gap and pray for my friend.  (Up to that point women in that group had not been asked to pray in public so I was unsure what to do.) I stood there, hands trembling as I watched the next few seconds unfold. It seemed what I had been asked to do was not proper “politically” in that setting, but I felt God’s strength and stood ready. Soon though, amidst mumbling and convo I couldn’t catch, the microphone was snatched out of my hands and a man was praying. It was ok.. but the humiliation was enough to want to make me bury myself for a thousand years.

As I continued processing the questions,  I felt hurt, devalued, a little angry maybe, and now even more unsure of my role and place in that particular group.  I began praying fervently that God would help me find HIS truth.  

After another sleepless night, I got up and started diligently searching the scriptures.  They are packed full of tidbits of wisdom and truth and are filled with all manor of commands, to love, to exhort, to be like Jesus and how that looks.  Now bear in mind that I am not a Biblical scholar by any means, though I do enjoy a good word study. This is where I came out at.

The 2 passages that have often been the basis for the role of Christian women, focus on what women can not do and from what I understand, basically refer to women not teaching or preaching to men in a church setting.  1 Corinthians 14:34 says “the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says”.   1 Timothy 2:12 says “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet”

There are many more instances in the Bible, especially in the New Testament where women are mentioned in a positive light/what they CAN do and showcase the fact that women were indeed involved in the early church.  

In Acts 16 Lydia is mentioned as one of the first to come to Christ and upon her conversion openly used her gifting of hospitality and invited Paul, the famous missionary to stay at her home. 

In Acts 18, Priscilla is mentioned along side of her husband Aquila as an example of people who actually mentored the Apostle Paul.  

In Romans 16, Phoebe served as a deacon (imagine that!) and supported the work of the church through seeing the needs of the saints.  

Acts 21 mentions the great evangelist, Philip and his daughters who were prophetesses (not a real quiet or perhaps socially pleasing calling…) 

Women in traditional Christian settings typically serve on food and sewing committees and occasionally teach Sunday school,  all of which are worthy needed parts of what makes organized church happen.  

But if we are going to say that we take 1 Corinthians 14:34 literally, then are those “offices” even ok? I may sound fanatical in asking that but really…

Passages like Romans 12 speak of the many parts of the body working together to make the Body of Christ what it is.  Are women not a part of the body?

Quite frankly I’m thinking my husband is NOT wishing to be more busy in the work of God’s church, but if women are to be quiet and only speak at home he may have to.

I don’t want to be guilty of pulling out scriptures and making them say what I need them to say.  

I fully understand that as women (and men too) our giftings and the way God created us must be tempered with his love, grace and the constant infilling of his spirit so that things will always be done to bring HIM glory. I am trying fervently to understand what God wants women to be in his church and how that really looks?

So I write here, and as I said at the beginning, am hoping to spark discussion that will shine the light brightly on God’s truth.  I thought incorrectly that when I got to the ripe old age of 40 that the Bible would be more clear and that stuff wouldn’t be so murky. 

I am finding that seeking the truth is imperative to my survival as a daughter of God. As a mother of a 13 year old female who asks many of the same hard questions that I do and who mirrors in sometimes scary ways my own nature, I must find what God really says so I can help her find her foundation in Him.

There is no doubt in my mind that each and every one of us is specially designed and created with value and purpose!

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

5 years

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The darker the night, the brighter the stars, the deeper the grief, the closer is God…

Fyoder Dostoevsky

I often wondered how I might feel as this date approaches. 5 years. 5 long years. 5 years since God decided it was time for one of his gifts to come back to Him. I had thought prior to this part of our journey, that I would not be able to physically bear the loss. But I have survived. We have survived through God and his strength alone.

It’s hard to know how and when grief will present itself again and crush you into a crumbled heap reliving the nightmare that never ends. I have not cried as I did on a daily basis for quite sometime, until today. It feels only natural to go back through the detail of the memories of the event and the days surrounding it.

One day our life was normal. We walked along together.

Then grief came and we experienced death and our lives were overturned, upset forever.

I was always one who stayed as far away from death as possible. I thought people who took pictures of death were the oddest creatures alive. (deceased in casket etc) But on this side of death and grief, it looks different. And though the pictures were the hardest to look at for the first while, they are strangely comforting now. **warning: stop reading here if you are like I used to be…pics to follow. Several different persons took the photos in this blog. Evonda Marner, Janice Marner, Shawna Riche, Alaynna Schwartz, Natalie Yutzy….

This is the hardest to look at. I can still feel deeply the inability to breathe. I can remember the people around and family and friends singing “Safe In the Arms of Jesus” as the last machine was unplugged. How quickly her little body grew stiff, is a sensation I wish I could erase. And then we had to sign the hundreds of papers ok-ing donation of her eyes, her tissue, which never happened due to infection. Janice stayed with her as she got cleaned up and got all the wires taken off. Then it was time for final goodbyes before she was taken for autopsy.

Then there was the walk from the hospital to our van. I kept feeling lost. So lost. I only had 3 children with me and I often said that feeling is like stepping out the door and realizing you have no clothes on or leaving for town and forgetting your purse….

Funeral planning. Ahhh that part. It’s not natural. Children plan their parent’s funeral. Not vice versa. It’s seriously the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Thankfully Janice and friend Karma did a lot of thinking and planning for us. Thinking about capturing her memory added a lot of flavors to the week and to the actual funeral service. Pink and red toe nails, bare feet, minnie mouse and tidbits from Frozen brought bits of reprieve to the nonstop tears. And the friends and family who came from everywhere. Though my memory is a bit clouded the beauty of the love and care we were surrounded with shown through the pictures is a tribute to family and friends.

The autopsy drug out the time and made us wait several days for the funeral. My 93 year old old order amish grandfather insisted on coming which was so special. He and his sister Rachel were among the few left from their generation. We saw well over a thousand people at the visitation, which took it’s toll on my body and I remember little of the later hours, except my uncle Ira telling people to move aside so they could wheel me out in a wheel chair because the world was spinning and black.

My 93 year old Grandpa
  • Grandpa’s sister Rachel. She lost a young child once too and kept checking on Abby…

Then it was time for the funeral and the longest, hardest walk no mama should ever have to take.

I never noticed how my sister Janice and I look like one person here. But that woman did my breathing for me during the darkest part.

Some of us sat barefoot for the service. Someone brought a recliner in for Grandpa.

The service was filled with special tributes including my brother and sister’s beautiful rendition of Jesus Loves me. Not sure how to put it in here correctly but click on link to here it….

https://www.facebook.com/dorothy.miller.142/videos/vb.1751572627/4338775884869/?type=3

Then it was time to say our final goodbyes.

We ended the day with the release of a bunch of red balloons.

Life has gone on. God has walked with us. With each passing day we are adapting to our new normal forever remembering the zesty 3 almost 4 year old who will forever be a part of our favorite memories.

Abby Marie 9/14/10 ~ 7/15/14

You Asked For It – Installment #3 “Sheri’s Secret Cheesecake”

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Our family just got back from a week at the ocean, which is our very favorite time and place. We usually go in the month of May which means I always try to create something extra special and super yummy for my baby sister Rhoda’s birthday. She usually asks for my cheesecake. I am always delighted with her choice and haul all the stuff along so I can make it just right. This year since my kids decided they actually like cheesecake, I figured I should make 2 so I made one in a 9 inch pan and another in a 10 inch.

Years back when I worked at the same little tea shop that gave me the inspiration for scones, the owner, Sheri, would usually always have some form of this cheesecake on hand. We always joked about her delicious recipes being top secret hence the “secret” in my title. She had such neat ways to make recipes pop with flavor. Her add in items were sometimes surprising like the white wine in this recipe but always seemed to take the recipes up a notch. While I am not sure if this is actually her recipe or not somewhere over the years, I dubbed it hers and always think of her when I use it.

Making a good cheesecake seems to rest on a few precise items. Time is essential. Then a good springform pan, quality heavy whipping cream and a whole lot of love round out the essentials. A good food processor is helpful for making the perfect crust.

Without further ado…here we go! For the crust I love to use what I have. If I want chocolate flavors, I use a packet of oreos and blend till smooth in the food processor. The oreo frosting serves as glue to hold the crust together. Simply press into bottom of pan. I also love using graham crackers or animal crackers or a combination of both for a plain crust. You will need about 1 to 1 1/2 cups of crumbs dependent on how much crust you like. I then add about a tablespoon of soft butter and mix well then press into pan. I do not prebake my crusts.

  • 3- 8 oz cream cheese softened
  • 1 1/4 c sugar
  • 1 t vanilla
  • 1 1/2 t white wine
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 c sour cream
  • 1 c heavy whipping cream

Beat the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla & wine together. Add the 4 eggs individually, beating well after each addition. While still beating, add sour cream and heavy cream. Continue beating till evenly mixed making sure there are no lumps. Pour carefully over crust. I wrap aluminum foil carefully around the bottom edge of the pan and then place on a cookie sheet with a bit of water which seems to help in the baking process. Bake at 350 for 1 hour. Avoid the urge to peak as this could make your cake fall or crack. Turn off oven and allow to rest for 20 minutes. Then place a wooden spoon handle in the oven door and allow cheese cake to cool completely before taking out of the oven. Run knife around edge and open the springform. Carefully remove. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Makes excellent left overs if you can sneak some into hiding.

We love all sorts of toppings including, fresh fruit, chocolate, caramel, pie filling and more. Another favorite is adding 1 cup of mini chocolate chips into the batter.

Practice makes perfect! I never get weary of experimenting. I hope you enjoy this as much as our family has!

Best Ever Scones

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Year ago I worked at a wonderful little tea room where the owner made the most delectable ever scones. Since the place closed, the recipes also are seemingly forever lost. 
So, I went on a quest to find THE perfect recipe. In my mind, I remember my dear amazing chef friend telling me that the secret to a good scone was heavy cream and butter.  Real butter. 
I tried various recipes but none of them fit what I had in mind and the happy sweet memories of hers which just melted in your mouth…until I stumbled on one from an online source called Katie’s Cucina. It met all the criteria for ingredients, simplicity of putting together and taste! I added my personal touches and bam!  I had a personal favorite and it became the most requested thing I have ever put together.  I have since supplied scones for many different events/get togethers. They are a treat that my kids all enjoy and are a quick breakfast or snack. Now that I am not currently doing gluten, the next thing on my to do list is figuring out the delish in gluten free but for now, I will share the love!
*2 cups flour (See note below on flour)
*1 T baking powder (yup you read that correctly!) 
*1/2 t salt
*2 T sugar (I prefer raw sugar)
*5 T butter
*1 to 1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
Mix all dry ingredients together well. Add butter like you would to a pie crust (crumbly and pea sized in shape). Add enough of the cream (at least 1 cup) to make a wet sticky dough that is not runny. Depending on the add in items I find that 1 and 1/4 cups are about what I need.  Press onto tray. I usually make mine about 3/4 to 1 in thick. 

Bake at 450 for 15 to 20 min until lightly browned.  Do not overbake! 

Mix in your choices of flavor.
Here are some we love!
Blueberry: 1 1/2 c blueberries (fresh is best but frozen works, just eliminate a little of the liquid in recipe and be prepared to bake a little longer. Some enjoy lemon in this so you can add 1 T lemon to the liquid in the dough and top with lemon glaze. (Recipe below)
Lemon Poppyseed: 2 T poppyseeds and 1 T lemon juice added to the dough. Top with lemon glaze. (Recipe below)
Cranberry/Orange: 1 c fresh or frozen cranberries chopped. 1/4 c orange juice substituted for part of the cream. Can add chopped pecans to this combo for some real delish! Top with orange glaze (recipe below)
Kid’s Favorite – Chocolate Chip: 1 c chocolate chips or 1/ 1/2 if you really like chocolate. Top with plain glaze. (recipe below) 

My Sister’s Favorite – Raspberry Lemon: 1 c raspberries.  1/4 c lemon juice subbed for part of the cream. Top with lemon glaze (recipe below)  Raspberries are messy so it is best to just press them into the dough after you have it pressed onto the tray. 

Bacon and Cheese: Omit sugar from recipe.  Add 4 slices bacon, fried and crumbled to the dough. Mix 1/2 to 3/4 c cheese into dough. Sprinkle more cheese on top. ( I do not use glaze on this one obviously)

Cinnamon & Peaches:  Add 1 t. cinnamon into dough.  Slice 1 peach into thin slices onto the top of your dough. Gently press into the dough.  You can omit the cinnamon from the dough and gently sprinkle on top of all to avoid what looks like whole wheat dough and makes people suspicious (Ha!). Top with plain glaze (recipe below) 




Glaze recipe: 
I am bad about using a pinch of this and a bit of that so this is sketchy.  If you start out with the powdered sugar and not the liquid you should be fine.
I usually start out with about 1/2 c powdered sugar and add liquid slowly till its the consistency we like.
For lemon or orange add about 2 t lemon/orange juice to start.  Mix until no longer lumpy.  You want a smooth not to thick appearance.
For the plain start with 1/2 c powdered sugar and 1 or 2 T cream or milk. 

Other tidbits
*I have found King Arthur Unbleached to make a totally different, light and fluffy scone then the other flours I have tried. (varieties of white and whole wheat flours)
*Berries and fruit in general can be messy and make the scones runny/sloppy.  Handle all berries with care and try not to smoosh them as you mix them or press them into the dough. 
*I love making one batch and dividing in half as not all of us like the same kinds.  1 batch feeds our family of 5 and when I use for breakfast it is the main item on the menu.   
*You can make them in any shape you want.  I usually do them round. You can fit 2 small circles from the one batch onto one regular size pampered chef jelly roll pan.  
*Make sure to use a pan with sides if you don’t want a buttery mess in your oven. 
*These are super simple and I can get from start to finish in about 30 minutes!

Most of all, get a cup of coffee ready and ENJOY!

What if…

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The past 2 1/2 years have been filled with lots of different questions and a million different emotions. 
I had thought that by this point in the journey that my emotional process may be different and that in some miraculous way the urges to flee from the suffocating stages of grief may have diminished.
They have some what. 
Time has a way. 
Somehow though the bubble I put around myself popped this week and the crash hasn’t been all that pretty. 
On lookers may miss it. 
Even those I am close to can’t necessarily see my inner soul (unless of course I blatter on publicly on social media)
Only God can.
While I know this to be truth and find it comforting mostly, I also know that my broken record reminders of clinging to Him in the eye of the storm are reality.  
BUT this doesn’t mean the questions stop. 
And yes, I’m writing from that place. That broken place where the tears stain the keyboard and my stomach is in knots…the place and time where I long to just wrap up in my covers and stay put..the anti social place which my normal self disdains.
Those questions are endless as are the flashbacks (hello PTSD..)
What if I’d been not so busy and would have followed her out to the pool as my gut suggested?
What if we hadn’t filled the pool more full then usual?
What if I’d been more on top of water safety?
and the Whys…
Why oh why did I have to endure the many years of infertility only to lose a part of my soul just when the tiresome, exhaustion of 4 very young ones was becoming just a tad bit easier?
Why did we have to be chosen to be parents who have lost?
I have the tendency to beat my self up over my need to know the what if and the why’s answers.
However the longer I walk this journey, the more I realize in deeper ways how the God of the universe has shoulders big enough to handle my pidley and sometimes angry questions.
I am also seeing the many parallels to David’s up and downs.  He is known as a man after God’s own heart.  How much closer to God can you get then that? To know God’s heart…
Psalms is full of emotions much like mine.  
Some days were good for David and he danced in the streets.  
Others were not so good and David moaned and groaned to his creator.  Ps 119:25 says “I am laid low in the dust. Preserve my life according to your word.”  Definitely some depression going on and a not so dancing in the street day.
This week this has meant that in order to keep on with life I may need to change my what ifs and whys up a bit.
What if the bigger picture is much more beautiful then I can fathom?
What if the lessons make me better?
What if the horrid grief can be a tool to reach others?

I have a list of questions for God that I’d love to sit down and discuss with Him but I wonder if when we actually get up there to that glorious city, if they’ll be all that important to me?

So for now I will continue to wrestle, to keep the faith, to get out of bed, to paste on the sometimes fake smile and remember that He is big enough to handle all my what ifs.

And of course we continually remember…Facebook has been throwing memories at me left and right. This is todays…

Faithfulness

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Great is the Faithfulness O God my Father…

My 3rd child is 7 today. Alexia Magdalene.  Named after my mother. 
 I can not browse through the photos of her birth and the time surrounding with out a teensy bit of sad seeping through the cracks and crevices.  

 2008-2009…That was a hard time. The hardest I had known then.

 Lowell & I had just experienced loss in huge ways….our business, home and our marriage were broken, falling apart at the seams.  
At 8 months pregnant I went to stay with my parents under the pretense of wanting to give birth in one of those fabulous free standing birthing centers (that was the truth…) But I was hurting, beaten down and with out hope.  I spent most of the time carrying her in tears.  I wonder if that is part of her personality and brooding nature now. Even though God was at work, it was hard to see at times in those long 11 months we were apart. I didn’t know if God was going to do a miracle and save our marriage which lay in shambles. BUT, God was close.  Closer then I had experienced and I grew tremendously in Him that year. He has that habit…sneaking into the bad places where He seems the furthermost away and doing his redemptive work. 

We were in the minority of couples that are able to reconcile and continued on life’s road. Our reconciliation produced instant proof of God’s mercies when Abby was born 9 months after we got back together. Her name Father’s Joy was proof of God’s power and redemptive favor and joy in us and our growing little family.

As we have lived through the grief of losing Abby, we have seen time and time again how God’s faithfulness shines through. 
Alexia has been traumatized immensely in the loss of her younger sister and built in playmate and near twin (not quite 18 months separated them)
 Despite the grief she is a spunky darling bundle and brings much joy to our home even through her spots of melancholy. 


She is growing into quite the young lady.  She loves to spend time following me about, baking and cooking. She loves fairy tales and all things princess.
 She is silly and giggles and love.




So as we celebrate another year of the beautiful gift of her, we marvel again at the story that is being woven with her life and how God’s faithfulness is obvious.  
He truly is good and amazing in gifting us with the preciousness.
Happy Birthday Princess!