Autumn brings out that organizing and nesting part of my nature. Not that it isn’t present all the other seasons, but I get great satisfaction in pulling out my bin of fall decor and shaking some extra cinnamon on my hot chai.
While beautiful, September isn’t always an easy time as it marks the month my last baby, our precious Abby, was born (9/14/10) and reminds us of her absence in our midst. This year I find myself extra nostalgic about how fast my other babies have grown up. I find myself a bit apprehensive about the days and weeks ahead. Kali, our oldest, graduated from high school in May of this year, with highest honors I might add which is an absolute blessing for someone who is a diagnosed dyslexic. This grand occasion hurdled Lowell and I into uncharted territory…that place of having adult children.
I have always, from day one, adored being a mama. After nearly 10 years of infertility, my children are truly my gifts directly from heaven and a dream come true. While I had not had homeschooling on my radar, as time with my precious ones went on and it came time to make those schooling decisions, it was what we chose. I really had no idea if it would be something we would do long term. Apparently after 14 years, I guess it was a good fit though we have had a lot of various combinations along the way. Kali chose our local public school for high school which was the perfect fit for her. She was strong and rooted in her faith and shone God’s light brightly where ever she went. She developed an amazing network of Godly friendships, some of which continue post high school and have had far reaching blessings for our entire family. Hunter has always been super content to be home with me and has done a combination of home school and added in music at the public school, which has been his flourishing spot for sure. This year, Lexi joins him at the public school for marching band and also in her main area of interest, Culinary labs! We have found our perfect niche in that combo contrary to the myth that homeschoolers must always be just that – learners at home only. I am so so grateful for the options available in our district and state!
Somewhere along the line though, I missed the memo about how releasing our babies into the big wide world is not for the faint of heart. While I am fiercely proud of Kali and the beautiful woman of God she is, sending her far away (Costa Rica!) for an extended period of time (10 months!) is not all that jolly of a time, busting another myth that kiddos leaving home is just the best.
A hundred thoughts crash through my brain as I contemplate how normal of an occurrence launching children is. I wonder what my own mother felt as I left home and moved a state away soon followed by my little sister who moved several states away. I could never have comprehended the whale of emotion that accompanies this process. I am sure there are books somewhere on the subject but I am more of a have-a-friend-tell-me-about-it kind of person. As I have initiated conversation with other wise women who have walked this path ahead of me, I have gleaned many helpful realizations. People do this every day. I am most certainly not the first person on the planet to experience these emotions. While there is great joy in releasing our birdies to fly where God has obviously called them, there is also grief of sorts at the final closure of a huge and enormous chapter that has encompassed so much of our life as we know it. And yes, I am sitting here making lots of typing errors because of the leaking problem my eyes are encountering as I process exactly where we are. Never again will our household be just like it has been for the last 18 and a half years. While my assumption is that I will again have my 3 all living under my roof again, it won’t be in the same format and I know I have a whole lot to learn about being a parent to grown up children.
While my teenagers are most certainly not perfect and have blessed me with a few gray hairs, they are among my most favorite people! I am ecstatic that God has shared them with us for these minutes making up our family’s times and seasons thus far. And I am filled with the hope of enjoying a great many more joy filled moments together in the seasons he brings our way. He is so good!
My Adult Child #1 (Definitely not used to that term yet..)
Us! In one of our favorite places…
Remembering Abby – Gone but never ever forgotten (9/14/10 – 7/15/14)
I can identify with you on this! Being a mother was all I ever wanted to be, but in my mind I only pictured small children. Somehow I never contemplated what happened when those children grow up and start leaving the home.
Releasing my children to the world of adulthood was one of the hardest things in parenting. I realized how fast the training years went (even though in the moment they seem to take forever!), and I wasnt ready for the next stage.
When our oldest was leaving home for the first time, I heard something on the radio that I’ve never forgotten. Having our children leave us is what the whole goal of parenting is! We do our best to raise them to be people of integrity, able to contribute to society, and most importantly followers of Christ so they can go out in the world and shine bright for Him. We wouldn’t want them in our home forever.
This helped me view the adult years in a different light…although there were still tears, and a tug on my momma heart as each one left the nest.
I feel you! 🩷
Great perspective Rose! Thanks for sharing!