I used to love celebrations of most any kind. Don’t get me wrong. I still do. Mostly.
But as I’ve gotten older, the empathy in me has sometimes trumped my love of celebrating. I have struggled with the verse in Romans where it says “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep”….
What does this mean for us as Christians on days like Mother’s Day?
I have lived in a constant state of ambivalence on how this plays out between the exuberance of new motherhood and the grief of a mom who has lost.
As a new, young wife, my mind was filled with all the ways I might celebrate with my own babies as I watched my friends have 1, 2 or even 3 babies. Where was my blessing? What was the hidden sin preventing God from answering my deepest prayer. For many long years, I avoided church on Mother’s day because no one knows what to do with a wanna be mom on a day that celebrates motherhood. Yet, when my dreams did come true, I felt such guilt and deep sadness, when some close to me shared how my vocal pain had dimmed the joys of their first years of motherhood.
Finally I had my prayers answered. God granted my deepest desire. Then He decided He needed one of my blessings back. Once again I struggled. Well meaning souls reminded me that I should cherish my remaining children. Of course I did/do! But that does not diminish the pain of loss.
I’ve also struggled watching friends struggle with other aspects of Mother’s day.
Maybe their mom was abusive or stood by in silence as their father did the unthinkable to them.
Maybe they only carried their baby a few months, to short a time for the world to even know of the sweet painful existence.
Maybe motherhood never came their way.
Maybe their only child is no longer in the picture, either due to death or estrangement.
These are tough places! Ones with no pat answers.
I found Betsy Childs Howard’s writing intriguing. She says it well in her blog entitled “The Struggle of Rejoicing With Those Who Rejoice”…. Apostle Paul gives a compelling reason for rejoicing on behalf of other Christians: We are members of the same body. “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Cor. 12:26). If we are parts of the same body, then one Christian’s blessing is your blessing. What’s good for the foot is good for the leg and the hand and the eyes. Blessings are not a zero-sum game. There’s not a limited amount that God can bestow. If one part of the Body gets a blessing, it has not stolen it from another part of the Body or prevented that member from receiving the same good blessing in God’s perfect timing.
I have come to the conclusion that the secret to answering these tough questions is compassion. Compassion does not need to lessen the joy of celebration, but will seek God’s wisdom in how to bless those who struggle with kindness and empathy. It might mean instead of turning a confused blind eye, we take a moment to give a hug or send a note to the ones we know hurt on these special celebration days.
As time continues, I am indeed once again enjoying the celebrations of the day. So today I am relaxing with my 3 babies who are not so much babies anymore, while Hubby celebrates the day with his mom who turned 88 this week. I have loved watching their enthusiasm this week as we planned a totally leisure day that’ll probably involve homemade pie and seeing some pretty flowers and counting the blessings of togetherness! After all, It’s the Little Things.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you! May God’s peace be with you today!